It’s amazing what you learn when you simply “listen” to the people you encounter. I can’t wait for you to read this blog. Meet my friend, Shannon. She was recently telling me about a how a “simple” task became a metaphor of her life. I asked if she would consider writing about it so I could share with you. Our prayer is that you, too, will find “hope” and “inspiration” to “Enjoy the Process”!
I wanted to start off the new year with a challenge that would make sure my mind stayed sharp. You know what they say, if you don’t use it, you lose it! Well, I felt like I was losing it so in came the great idea of a PUZZLE! I had worked with a puzzle earlier in the week and found that 15-piece Spiderman puzzle to be so much fun, grounding and rewarding. I needed a grown up one immediately. I ran over to my local Wal-Mart and found the ONE! The puzzle that would start my new year just right. The “one” happened to be a 750-piece puzzle of a summer cottage, ‘simply’ picked because it was a pretty picture. Oh, how I can get distracted by pretty things! I went home on that New Year’s Eve and pulled out my puzzle with as much enthusiasm, hope and vigor that one could have. Let the fun began!
My mother always told me, “start with the end pieces.” Simple enough. Like many things in my life, this wasn’t that simple. The colors and the picture blended together. This is when I reached out for help. I texted my grandfather (THE Puzzle Master) and asked his advice with a picture in tow. His advice?
“Put the puzzle back in the box, go back to Wal-Mart, and buy a new one, an easy one with a picture of a boat.”
His advice knocked the wind out of my sails. He just wanted me to succeed but the moment he told me to return it, my self-doubt was in full force. I have struggled my whole life with doubts, negative thoughts and a lack of self-confidence. I have failed at sooo many things, I have lost count. I began to wonder if anyone, including myself, would be surprised if I failed at this too. Writing this now, it saddens me at how I view myself solely based on my failures. I have had many successes in life but all I could see and hear were the negative ones. I believe this is true for a lot of us.
The puzzle was no longer just a puzzle. It was a representation of my life and who I was/am as a person. Who would I be in this new year? Who is Shannon? What am I made of? I could decide to let the negative self-talk win or to believe in myself and rise above. Normally, fear of failure would prevent me from trying, but not today. Today was my day.
The decision was made. I was going to complete this puzzle. I didn’t care if it took me a year. That’s a lie, it better not take that long! I was going to finish it! I was going to prove it to myself and to everyone else that I could do this.
So, I began the ‘process’ and it was a process, my friends.
First thing I learned is to let go and surrender to the process…don’t force it. There were many times when I was trying to find the right pieces to fit together, they didn’t fit and then I would start forcing pieces that I knew didn’t go there. I got overwhelmed and the doubt would start. I wore myself out flipping the piece around and around trying to force it. I got so focused on that one piece that I lost sight of the big picture. I took a step back, took a deep breath, became present and got clarity. I let go and stopped trying to force it and then it just came. Bam…there was the piece that fits. I knew exactly where it belonged. The natural flow of life.
Secondly, I realized I needed to be patient and kind to myself, not one of my strong suits. I thought the sooner I finished, the more worth I would have as a person. “Look how amazing Shannon is! She finished this ultra-challenging puzzle in three days.” Not the case. My random checkout encounter didn’t help either. I struck up a conversation with someone who was buying a 500-piece puzzle. She shared that her 500-piece puzzle would be completed in one night because her brain “just works like that.” My brain works by comparing myself to her and saying, “Well, if she could do it in a night, I should be able to.” The judgement and negative self-talk were in full force. My brain recalled ALL my failures. This has been my default for a long time. Thankfully, a voice came into my head, it said be gentle be kind to yourself, and I was.
Another thing the puzzle taught me was to be grateful, for everything. The good times, the bad times and the times that you never think you will get through. It is through the struggle, I am able to experience growth and celebrate the good moments. My struggles can be of benefit to myself and to others. Relating to people on an authentic level is a beautiful part of life. I needed to take more time to celebrate the victories. GRATITUDE. I began saying “Thank you” every time a piece would fit together. Then, another one would fit and another. A “good” or “grateful” mindset brought on more good experiences. Gratitude for each piece of the process helped me to turn on the “good” or “grateful” mindset. What I put out, came back.
It’s important to have positive, encouraging people in my life to help through the process. These relationships help me to experience the love and the goodness. My grandfather checked in on me on me and encouraged me to keep up the good work. The support was vital. I received it from some other special people in my life as well, including my husband, who tried to help me with the puzzle to little avail. I have always looked for outside validation. I relied heavily on others to make decisions for me, to tell me if I was right or wrong, and to direct me where in life I should go. Although it is important to have loving relationships in life, it is just as important to be able to trust myself and the guidance of my Higher Power. I am learning to lean on others for encouragement, but, ultimately, to trust myself. This is all part of the process of becoming “authentically empowered”. All part of the process, LIFE.
I also learned how to fully accept myself, even my flaws. This puzzle was taking me much too long. I should be finished already. I should be working harder. I should be able to find the pieces quicker. All these expectations and judgments I placed on myself. I do this often in life. Expectations of where I should be with my career, income, personal life, spirituality. Like Stephanie says, I “should” all over myself. All of the “shoulding” sucks allllll the fun out of life, the process. Having acceptance of where I am and who I am releases me from the “should”, the expectations and gives me the true freedom to be who I am and grow from there. That is when real progress begins. The process can look ugly, it can make you feel horrible, but there’s beauty there too … just like the beautiful summer cottage coming together right before my eyes.
At 10:00 p.m. on January 14, I snapped the last piece into place. My grandfather’s response was, “Good job. I knew you could do it. That shows your willingness to stick with something that is really hard and get it done. Congratulations.”
Victory!
How sweet it is…let me savor this moment. I looked over the puzzle, really looked it over.
Everything flowed perfectly together.
Each piece had a home.
It was perfect.
There was a lot of praying, doubt, positive self-talk, cursing, fear, judgement, victories, growing and one or two thrown puzzle pieces through this process but it unfolded exactly the way it was supposed to. The answers lie inside. The pieces are already there. Clarity will come. Life’s perfect plan just for me. The joy is to be found in the process, the journey. The end is only one moment in time, but the process is everything in between.
Brother David Steindl-Rast says, “hope is defined by being open to a surprise and if you trust in life it will always surprise you and give you good things.”
Enjoying the process….
I think Shannon and I just may have to find this cottage!
Enjoy the process and THRIVE!
Stephanie