It Is What It Is or Is It?

Working in the educational system for over 25 years was (and still is) one of the most appreciated experiences I’ve had in my life.  School years would come and then go. August through May.  The cycle revolved around and around, again and again, for years.  Summers were spent preparing for the next year.  I found that some school year cycles were more challenging than others.  These “challenges” provided me with more “opportunities” to learn and grow, whether I wanted to grow or not! During those challenging school years, or cycles, I remember claiming certain phrases that seemed to “fit”. Each year seemed to have a different phrase that either described the year or gave me a “go to” statement to help me survive the school year.  One such phrase I remember claiming was, “It is what it is”.  When faced with a challenge, I would say, “It is what it is”. If I had to guess, I bet I said it a million times that year!

“It is what it is.”

Looking back, I realize this phrase helped me acknowledge and appreciate that “the” circumstance was simply … “a” circumstance.  It helped me distance myself from the emotions, worries, and fears I attached to it.  Furthermore, this acknowledgement helped me think about it differently.  Saying this helped me think about the circumstance more logically, than emotionally.

“It is what it is.”

Acknowledging “It is what it is” helped me open the door to begin changing my mindset about this particular circumstance.

“It is what it is.”

The circumstances I was faced with presented a challenge to me.  I could choose to be angry or accept the challenge.  I could choose to whine about it or do something about it.  I could choose to be fearful of it or begin to learn about it.  I could choose to worry about it or work towards changing it.  The challenge lies in my response to the circumstance, not the circumstance itself.

Let’s break this statement down:

It Is What It Is

The first “It” represents the circumstance itself (i.e., the facts about the situation).

The first “Is” represents the realization that thoughts about the circumstance will occur (i.e., so, how am I going to think about the circumstance?).

“What” represents the pause, a moment in time, where we make the decision about what we are going to think about it (i.e., “this” is how I am going to think about the circumstance).

The second “It” represents the acknowledgment that the circumstance is merely a circumstance (i.e., confirmation that this situation is merely a situation).

The second “Is” represents the fact that we have a choice in how we “think” about this circumstance (i.e., I choose to think about it “this” way).

Whew! Take a breath.

That’s a lot of words to illustrate the power of this statement.  I’ve thought about it a lot and analyzed it.  To me, this statement illustrates a fact that I have learned and have said many times in the last two years.  “We can do very little about what happens TO us.  Things are just going to happen in our lives.  Although we have very little control over what happens, we have FULL control over what we think about it.”  We have a choice to make about how we think about our circumstances.

It’s all about perspective.

According to Merriam-Webster, perspective is “the capacity to view things in their true relations or relative importance; point of view; and the ability to understand what is important and what isn’t”.  The site, www.freedictionary.com, notes perspective as “a mental view or prospect”.  From the Book of Stephanie (that doesn’t exist), I find that when considering the word, perspective, we are led to a powerful question, “How else can I think about it?”.  How we look at a certain circumstance is an individual choice.  There are many different perspectives to take into consideration.

For some reason this morning, my previous miscarriages have been on my mind.  The day after my 39^th birthday, much to our surprise, I discovered I was pregnant.  A miracle of sorts, without going into any detail.  Yes, this was a shock to ALL!  I still remember the look of shock/horror/disbelief on Tim’s face when I bolted into the den from the bathroom with the “stick” in hand and said, “We’re pregnant!”  I remember the look on his face AND the words he said.  “You grandma!” Yes, we were in a state of shock!  We didn’t tell anyone for a while because of our shock.  However, when we did, the shock subsided and we became excited.  So, what?!?! We will be the oldest people at kindergarten round up!  Big deal!  I had not experienced any issues with my previous two pregnancies, so there was nothing to worry about.  Right?

Wrong.  I miscarried at about 10 weeks gestation.  No one knows that pain that is felt when a miscarriage takes place UNLESS you have been through it.  People notoriously will say the wrong thing … “At least you didn’t have to carry it”, “It’s just nature’s way of weeding out the weak”, and “It just wasn’t meant to be”.  I heard all of those.  Ridiculous. Others just sat with us and were with us. Beautiful.

We weren’t sure how to think about the fact that we had miscarried and Tim was in his 40s or I was at the doorstep.  However, we decided that maybe this was God’s way to tell us we needed to extend our family.  So, we decided to be open.  And, guess what? We became pregnant again.  This time, we were even more quiet.  No problems were detected.  We were just rocking along.  Then, one day about 12 weeks into the pregnancy, I go in to have an ultrasound.  I’ve done this before.  No big deal.  Tim didn’t need to come.  I can do this.

As I sit there on that uncomfortable table all “jellied” up, I noticed a look of concern on the tech’s face.  She’s quiet. She leaves the room for just a second and then returns.  She tells me to go back to the doctor’s office; he needs to see me.  I can still remember sitting there back in the doctor’s office and fighting back the fear.  Then, he comes into the room and tells me there is no heartbeat.  “Wait, what?”  “Are you sure?”  We would have to “take care of this” in a couple of days.  Wow!  No words.  We “took care of this” on the due date of the first pregnancy.  Yes, the day the first baby  (my third child) was to be born, I had a D & C because there was “no heartbeat” of the second baby (my fourth child).

I’ve never said that changing our perspective and managing our mindset is easy.  It most certainly is not.  But, it is VITAL to our ability to thrive.  If we are to keep living, we must take the reins of the beast of our circumstances. These circumstances that happen in our lives can feel like a raging beast running toward us.  This beast possesses the ability to run right through us if we don’t take the reins of our mindset by seeing the beast from different perspectives.

I can’t make sense of the fact that I have had two miscarriages during my 39^th year.  Nor, can I make sense that my firstborn, Savannah, moved into Eternity during my 49^th year.  Nope, it does not make sense.  What I know is that I have four children. Two, I have the pleasure to watch become beautiful, giving, and intelligent young women. My other two children, I have never seen.  I know that if Tim, Isabella, and I enter Heaven today, there will be three children who will greet us as our children and Isabella as her siblings.  I know that God desires three of our four children to be with Him at this time and they are serving a purpose there.  I know that I am given the privilege of being with Isabella here on Earth and I am going to enjoy every moment I have with her and her daddy.  I know that these circumstances in our lives have created an empathy toward others who are hurting that we would have never been able to experience, thereby, we can relate to others on a level we never could before.  I know God loves us and our children!  These are the things that I make myself think about to help me see “this” from other perspectives.  I know that these are the things that I think about when I need a perspective change.  I know it takes work to change my perspective and you can change yours if and when you’re willing to put in the work.

I told Tim just last night, “I still can’t believe Savannah isn’t with us.”  This feeling is very real and extremely raw.  And, I hope it always will be.  Savannah is just that special.  Just look at that smile.

I stopped asking, “Why?”, a long time ago.  When “Whys” pop up in my mind, I now ask, “How can I think about this differently so that I continue growing?” It (still) is what it is AND I have the power to think about “this” differently.  Last year, I took a class by Marilee Adams, PhD.  She says, “to change results, change behavior; to change behavior, change thinking; to change thinking, change questions; to change questions, change mindset.”

It is what it is OR is it?  How can you think about that beast differently?  Take control of your mindset.

Think about your thinking and THRIVE.

Stephanie