“Dad, I need you to wake up and make sure we are OK. I’ve been getting texts from my friends in the neighborhood checking on us. People in our neighborhood are flooding!”
This is how Tim and I were awakened that morning two years ago. Yes, we had intended on sleeping in, but that did not occur on August 13, 2016. Water began infiltrating our home around 1:00 p.m. Most of our community and, quite honestly, all southeastern Louisiana was affected in some form or another by the flood. Yesterday was the two-year anniversary. Our entire home flooded but we did not lose everything like sooooo many did. Our community looked like a war zone and everyone seemed to have the “zombie-shuffle” down as we tirelessly moved piles from one place to another just trying to pick up the pieces of a life we once knew. We suffered from chronic exhaustion while running full-force on a fuzzy brain. You can still see, two years later, the effects. However, I am proud to be part of such a resilient community. It’s simply beautiful in southern Louisiana!
Anniversaries come and go. Some are pleasant. Some are devastating. Nonetheless, they come and then they go. We must offer each other grace when the devastating kind of anniversaries occur. Yes, we need grace in the moment and space to process through the anniversary. The grace and space are needed to continue our healing despite our devastation that is so close to our hearts. Every day holds within it the possibility for another “anniversary” of some sort, for some one. We never know what others are going through at any given point in time.
I had the privilege to go to the beach for a long weekend full of sun, fun, beach, laughter, food, and more laughs. It was an honor because I was with a group of women (some I knew very well, others I just met) who loved and supported each other AND everyone else in their path. Most of these women work in the nursing profession in all capacities imaginable. Another is a second-grade teacher and yet another is in school working towards becoming an occupational therapist. Now, let me tell you something, THAT is an amazing group of caregivers right there!!! Anyway, we were all at the beach for a girl’s trip. However, I believe the timing of this beach trip was no coincidence. We had not PLANNED to go to the beach at this particular time. No. This was just the time that worked in favor of our schedules. Now, I believe the timing of this trip was divinely inspired! Yep, “divinely inspired” because this trip ended on a day that marked a “one-year anniversary” of the devastating kind. EXTREMELY devastating. The oldest son of one of my dearest friends met Jesus one year ago on August 12, 2017. His name is Garrison and he met Jesus just nine months after my oldest child, Savannah, met Him. There’s no making sense of the fact that two life-long friends have both lost contact with their firstborns – just nine months apart! No sense, at all.
Scrolling through Facebook and Instagram still creates a piercing sting for my heart at times. Therefore, I don’t engage in much “scrolling”. I do see what pops up when I open these apps on my phone. Yesterday, I was faced with the reality that August 13th (or any given day) has the potential to be a challenge for someone else, anyone else. Yesterday, Facebook revealed the anniversary of yet another child meeting Jesus on August 13th several years before his parents. Another child was undergoing a severe and terrifying surgery which will become another kind of “anniversary” in years to come. Any day has the potential to become an anniversary for any one.
We are all living our lives, 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year. One after the other. What we do with those moments matter. Those moments matter! Every moment matters!
I was sitting on the couch just reading before going to the beach and I came across some profound words that made me stop for a moment. I shared this “pearl of wisdom” with those around me. Later that day, as I was sitting on the beach trying to find where I had left off in the article, I came across those profound words again. “We will not be able to end our own suffering if we are creating it around us.” I encourage you to NOT respond to this statement, just soak it in. Gnaw on that nugget a little bit.
“We will not be able to end our own suffering if we are creating it around us.”
“Creating it around us.”
Those of us who are living with devastating loss know what suffering is. We KNOW what suffering feels like. Suffering overtakes us and sucks what crumbs of life we still possess right out of us! However, we learn to choose to live with our suffering. We learn to live in a different way. We choose NOT to create more suffering. Only living.
I sat there, on the beach, and pondered what that meant. I looked around and there is my friend, Lori, laughing, sunning, and just being “Lori”. Beside her is Claire, her daughter and Garrison’s little sister. Claire is laughing, sunning, and just being “Claire”. Then, I see Isabella, Savannah’s little sister, laughing, sunning, and just being “Isabella”. My heart overflowed with love for Savannah, Garrison, Lori, Claire, and Isabella in that moment. Here we were, on the beach, knowing the anniversary is approaching and we were choosing to live… we were NOT creating suffering around us. Yes, there were a few tears. Yes, we were sick to be in “this club” now. Yes, we talked about Savannah and Garrison and how thankful we were that they were ours and how sick we were they were not “here”.
I realized that we were choosing to live, indeed. I do not believe that we will ever “end” this kind of suffering because loss is loss. A part of us is missing; that is a fact. But, I do believe that we are learning to live with our suffering and I can tell you when I am with these three women, I am NOT suffering. I am living. I am thankful for Lori, Claire, and Isabella. We were not creating suffering around us.
Please be encouraged if you are suffering a loss. When the time is right, you can learn to live again, although it is not easy, you can learn.
If you love someone who is suffering, do as our friends did this weekend. They let us live with the suffering and were with us in it. We had a great time and felt free to talk about Savannah and Garrison. Please let those who are suffering live in the best way they can and love them through it. Do not create more suffering for them.
Now, if you are suffering, not from loss but from something else, please be encouraged that you can choose to end the suffering by starting to end it around you. You can choose to look at things in a different way, from a different perspective.
“We will not be able to end our own suffering if we are creating it around us.”
Look for ways you may be creating suffering around you and end it.
Look for ways to end suffering around you by loving others, even the un-lovely.
Look for ways to create life, not suffering.
Look for ways to live this week and THRIVE!
Stephanie