Recently, I was catching up on some reading and came across a story I had read years ago.
Let me share:
Six blind men are discussing (no, arguing) about what an elephant was like. Now, they had never “seen” an elephant but went to find one. Upon inquiring at the market, the first blind man approached the great beast.
He touched the flat, firm side of the elephant and said, “An elephant is like a wall.”
The second man touched the elephant’s tusk. He said, “An elephant is like a spear. It is sharp and smooth.”
The third man touched the elephant’s trunk. He said, “You are both wrong. The elephant is like a snake because it squirms and writhes.”
The fourth man touched the elephant’s leg. This man said, “There’s no way any of you are right. The elephant is like a tree.”
The fifth man was confused so he stepped forth and touched the elephant’s ear to which he said, “Have you all lost your minds? It waves back and forth. An elephant is like a fan!”
The last man stepped up, grabbed the elephant’s tail, and shook his head. This man said, “I don’t agree with any of you! An elephant is like a rope. I’m holding it right here!”
These six men never could agree on what an elephant was like. They were only able to “see” things from their perspective and did not allow themselves to “see” the animal from another perspective. Taken individually, each of the men accurately experienced a part of the animal. However, each perspective was only ONE part of the majestic beast. They were only “seeing” things from their perspective and, in doing so, missed the totality of an elephant. This closed perspective limited their view of the animal; they only “saw” their part and missed the whole. All six men, while correct, were unable to experience the whole picture which limited their view.
While so simple a story, it is so very profound! I must consider approaching things from other perspectives in my day-to-day life, honestly, to keep moving forward. “Seeing” things from other’s perspectives is good practice. It’s smart. It is a powerful leadership strategy. Problem-solving ability and conflict resolution are accelerated when we allow ourselves to “see” things from someone else’s standpoint. However, it’s more of a survival strategy for me.
My interactions with others is different now that grief is a “part” of me. My emotions can quickly hijack any interaction I have if I am not aware of what state my emotions are in at any given time. Therefore, I remind myself that my perspective is simply my experience. There are simply certain topics, experiences, and words than can quickly elicit a “grief response” from me and, if I’m not careful, I may respond back in a manner uncharacteristic of me. I often remind myself that “they just don’t know” when this response is triggered.
I force myself to see things from other’s perspectives. For example, I know what it is like to lose contact with my daughter. It’s awful. To interact with people who have experienced devastating loss somehow is comforting to me. We know what pain is. However, when talking with others who’ve lost contact with their spouse, I remind myself I have no clue what it is like to lose the “other half” of me. I know what it’s like to lose a “part” of me. We both know what this pain “feels” like; however, pain manifests uniquely for both of us. I make no assumptions that I “know” what it is like for anyone else to experience their loss.
Not only do I consider personal interactions from other perspectives, I view circumstances and situations from other perspectives. When faced with something challenging, I must stand back and see this situation from my vantage point. Then, turn it over, and view it from another perspective. What’s different? How could I think about this differently? For example, for the first six months following Savannah’s move into Eternity, I counted Fridays. I dreaded Fridays. I remembered saying to myself, “It’s been 24 Fridays.” Then, it hit me all at once! Why not look at each day differently? Instead of thinking about each day as one more day away from Savannah, what about thinking about each day as one day CLOSER to Savannah? Because of my faith in THE Gospel of Jesus Christ, I know where Savannah is and know where I will be one day when I move into Eternity! So, why not rely on my faith and see each day differently? Now, this does not take away the pain and agony I may feel at any given time. No, it doesn’t alleviate it, but thinking about the fact (specifically, the fact Savannah has moved into Eternity) differently helps me live with this reality!
There is a common saying about ignoring the “elephant in the room”. This has to do with an issue everyone knows about, but nobody wants to address. I want to encourage you to become aware of the elephant. Is there an elephant you need to address? Determine to address those elephants that come into your path or in your thought life. When you are face-to-face with an issue, an interaction with someone, or a negative thought realize this is just an elephant AND you possess the ability to think about this elephant differently.
As the holidays come and go, be aware of the elephants in your life and be encouraged that you can choose how to perceive these elephants! You can “see” these elephants in a different way!
The next time you are faced with an elephant,
- Realize your first experience (or response) to the elephant is simply your FIRST response.
- Ask yourself, “How can I think about this elephant differently?” “Am I only seeing the trunk, the leg, or the tusk?” “How would someone else view this elephant?”
- Ponder the similarities of these various perspectives. Then, consider the differences. “How can these perspectives work together?” “Seeing the whole picture, what is the best way to move forward now?”
I know the difference in a horse and an elephant but I just love this picture! I challenge you to see the whole elephant, get on it and go for a ride, and THRIVE!
Stephanie