CHOSEN…for Such a Time as THIS

Turning 50 found itself to be quite a surprise!  I’ve never had a “surprise” birthday party.  This year my birthday was a “surprise DAY”!  We had ordered a new mattress and to my delight it came in a week early … on my birthday.  I couldn’t wait to take a nap but I wasn’t going to lie down on the bed until Tim could rest his head with me.  I had waited until he came home from work and, to be completely honest, I was a little disappointed when he said he wasn’t ready for a nap.  I should have known something was up when he was more than encouraging for me to take a nap.  Well, of course he was encouraging! Unbeknownst to me, my whole family was coming to surprise me and stay the weekend to celebrate my birthday! Tim did not have to watch out for their arrival because Mojeaux and I were catching some Zzzzs on the new mattress!  I was “out like a light” and in a deep state of relaxation when through the door my nieces, nephew, brother, sister-in-law, parents, husband, and daughter came barreling in singing at the top of their lungs the most annoying song in the world … “Happy Birthday to you, Happy Birthday to you … you know the rest”!  Mojeaux and I jumped up! It took a good 30 minutes or so for my heart rate to slow down and for me to get all my faculties back.  Let me tell you, that was the best nap I had had in a while! And, an even BETTER surprise!  We had a great time together, talking, reminiscing, eating, and just being with one another.  Fifty is turning out to be a great year.

After my family left, Tim, Isabella and I made final preparations for Christmas.  We have been thrown into determining new traditions.   We decided eating gumbo after attending our church’s Christmas Eve service and watching movies were good ones to start.  This Christmas Eve service is one we’ve attended since moving to this area a few years ago.  It is typically a candlelight service full of worship and remembrance through song and reflection.  Since Christmas Eve fell on a Sunday, this service included a sermon from our pastor, as well.  I wasn’t sure how I would manage this service emotionally.  Quite frankly, attending my church has found itself a little difficult for me.  I have attended various church services throughout Louisiana and Mississippi when I speak and find myself engulfed in worship and spiritually awakened.  However, in my own church, I find myself stuck in sadness and yearning to look beside me and see little short Savannah with hands raised and eyes closed worshipping the Almighty.  I want to glance down and see her taking notes on whatever sliver of paper she can find.  It is just hard.  I will move beyond it but the reality is that EVERYTHING changes when you lose someone you love.  Everything like Christmas traditions, attending church services, shopping … yes, EVERYTHING.  Now, we keep moving forward, we have fun, but we need grace from others and must offer each other and ourselves grace to figure this out in our own time.

It was at this Christmas Eve service that the topic for THIS blog came to fruition.  I have mulled this title over for a while now but didn’t really know where it was leading me.  Until, I was in this service at THIS time.  There is something surreal that happens when you realize you are worshipping to a song on Christmas Eve that was sung at your daughter’s funeral.  Wiping the tears from the corner of my eyes, it came to me.  Savannah was created, CHOSEN, for such a time as this.  Jesus was CHOSEN for such a time as this.  I must be honest, I really don’t remember much of the service, songs, or sermon after singing that song.  I was engulfed in my own experience.  I am going to share my very personal Christmas Eve experience.

I began considering Jesus, the son of God, who came to this Earth in the form of a human being FOR us.  Because He did so, we are able to identify with Jesus, have a relationship with Jesus, and realize that He knows what we are going through.  As Christians, Christmas is the day set aside to remember the birth of our Savior.  Frankly, on most Christmases, I momentarily “remembered” but never had I completely allowed myself to soak in and “feel” what it may have felt for Him to leave perfection and come to Earth as a baby born in poverty surrounded by sin, hate, rebellion, jealousy, sickness, etc.  I allowed myself to think about not only His birth, but His childhood, adolescence, young adulthood, work, betrayal, and suffering.  I remember visualizing Him in the garden praying that “this cup be removed” and humbly acknowledging that if, in fact, this cup could not be removed, He would persevere.  I was totally engulfed in the feeling of love.

Then, as I was visualizing Jesus hanging on the Cross, my focus shifted to Mary, His mother.  I allowed myself to feel what she may have felt to see her Firstborn, perfect in every way, fulfilling prophecy and suffering all the while.  Allowing myself to wonder what it must have been like for her to be not much more than a child given the sole duty of carrying God’s Son.  What was she thinking and feeling while giving birth in such a humble setting?  The honor, sense of awe, and gratefulness that SHE was chosen as the mother of the Son of God.  How her heart must have expanded as she witnessed first-hand at his commanding, loving leadership.  How proud she was to say, “That’s my boy!” Oh, how amazed she was at the love this young man had for His brethren, regardless how they felt about Him!

Then, in an instant, my mind went back to the hospital waiting room at St. Francis Medical Center in Monroe, Louisiana on a hot muggy day in August 2016.  I’m going to share a very intimate experience. Father Job from Catholic Campus Ministries came to pray with us.  We did not know Father Job, nor did he know Savannah, although she was a student at the University of Louisiana at Monroe.  He knew OF Savannah and her plight.  He felt compelled to come and pray with us after holding a special mass on her behalf.  As God does, He CHOSE Father Job to come to the hospital at such a time as this that most of the people who were visiting us were, in fact, Catholic.  His prayer and presence reminded me of the sovereignty and holiness of the Almighty.  After praying, we dropped hands and he went to each of us and blessed us.  Now, Father Job was on my left and my husband was on my right.  Father Job skipped me, went directly to Tim and then everyone else until he returned back to me.  I remember distinctly looking directly into his eyes, him holding my hands ever so gently and saying, “You remember where Mary stood while Jesus was suffering on the Cross?”.  I nodded my head, “Yes” and then I said, “At His feet”.  Again, he looked intently in my eyes, nodded, smiled, and said, “This is where you stand”.  Everything stopped in that moment and I relieved myself of everything and was solely devoted to being there with Savannah, totally devoted to her, Tim, and Isabella.  “This is where I stand.”

In that service, I found myself thinking of the devastation that Savannah’s body withstood.  I thought of the devastation Jesus’ body withstood.  I thought of parallels of Jesus and Savannah.  Her love.  Her devotion.  Her sacrifice.  The grace.  The peace.  THE love.  Now, don’t think for a minute that I am equating Savannah with Jesus, just simply reminding myself that my daughter, my firstborn, got it!  She figured out what was important in an eternal sense and gave it her ALL, despite the sacrifice.  SHE was created for a time such as THIS!  I was created for such a time as THIS!  Tim was created for such a time as THIS!  Isabella was created for such a time as THIS!  YOU are created for such a time as THIS!

I encourage you to read the book of Esther.  We find in the Holy Bible, Mordecai telling Esther, “If you keep quiet at a time like this, deliverance and relief for the Jews will arise from some other place, but you and your relatives will die. Who knows if perhaps you were made queen for just such a time as this?” (Esther 4:14 New Living Translation).  Here is an unlikely young lady who becomes queen and is given an opportunity.  God will accomplish His work (with you or without you).  It is your opportunity to “take the bull by the horns” and step out of your comfort zone and make a difference!  Esther could have played it safe, kept quiet, and NEVER moved forward.  Instead, she seized the opportunity and made a difference!

We are given this opportunity of this life.  We were created and CHOSEN, if you will, for such a time as this.  I do not believe that you were born in THIS family at THIS time period in THIS community surrounded by THIS group of people by chance.  I believe that you were CHOSEN to make a difference.  Yes, there will be fear, sacrifice, and most assuredly pain.  However, the reward is GREAT and THRIVING is worth it!

In this time period of making lame New Year’s resolutions, determine to soak it in.  Soak in that YOU WERE CREATED AND CHOSEN FOR SUCH A TIME AS THIS!!! Don’t make a resolution.  Determine to make a choice with a zero tolerance for failure.

Choose to own the fact that you were chosen to THRIVE!

Please enjoy these pictures of my babies.  I did not have many “professional” pictures taken of my children.  This is one that I treasure from Barnes Photography in Ruston, LA … they were marketed as “fairy” portraits.  I now see them as “angel” portraits.  I want to let you know that these pictures have made me smile. I think of Savannah so happy and fulfilled in Heaven caring for the smallest of things (frog) and the most monumental of things (her sister).

Happy New Year,

Stephanie