When in the Storm, Remember the P.S.A.L.M.S.

Yep, within a three-week period, I went from the best place I could imagine on Earth (the beach) to the worst place I could imagine (house flooding).  This occurred in what seemed like an instant.  In July 2016, our family took what was our last family vacation as a family of four and three weeks later our house flooded.  Then, ten days later, I was hit with another “worst place I could imagine” as our daughter became critically ill.  She remained in critical condition for 10 ½ weeks until she moved into Eternity in November 2016… yes, ANOTHER “worst place I could imagine”.  Our lives completely changed within the three months from August to November.

It’s been 19 months today since we lost contact with Savannah.  Let me clarify, I did not lose Savannah, I have only lost contact with her for a little while.  As I’ve said often, words do not describe what it feels like for your child to die.  It is as though a part of you is removed, ripped out, and the void left never leaves. I want to share with you a journey of revelation I believe God has taken me on since. My hope is that you will see yourself on this journey, realize, and succumb to the fact, no – the truth, that God will never leave you or forsake you.

Hebrews 13:5 tells us to “Be satisfied with what you have, for He Himself has said, I will never leave you or forsake you”.  I have had to learn to be satisfied and rest in the fact that He has not left me.  Like most of my “learning experiences”, I did not learn this suddenly, but over time.  This process of learning occurred through the help of a Catholic priest, a sweet and wise Baptist southern belle, and a non-denominational Christmas Eve service.  I’ve mentioned all three of these events separately, but I believe God used all three to teach me a valuable lesson and give me a practical tool to use when the next storms hit.

Last month, I was asked to speak at the Ladies Tea at First West Baptist Church in West Monroe, LA. One of the life groups at this precious church, along with some dear friends and family members, put our house back together after our house flooded with the flooding that hit southeast Louisiana in 2016.  This group of men felt the call of God to love on the brokenhearted by putting our house back together as we had been at our 21- year old daughter’s side since she suddenly became critically ill in severe septic shock just 10 days after the flood.  Our daughter, Savannah, was a senior in college in Monroe, four hours away, and remained in critical condition until moving into Eternity 10 ½ weeks later in November 2016.

To say I was honored to return “home” and speak at this church is an understatement.  As I was preparing, I could not get John 19:25-27 out of my mind.  I meditated on this Scripture and reflected on ALL that God has done and is doing in the short period of time since Savannah had moved into Eternity.  Memories from the last year and a half absolutely flooded my mind.  Three specific divine appointments became crystal clear.  These “appointments” were with, you probably guessed it, a Catholic priest, with a wise Southern belle, and at a Christmas Eve service.  I believe these three “appointments” promoted my healing by showing me that God will supply for all of our needs.  Additionally, we must learn to allow Him to do so His way and on HIS terms.

The most humble and beautiful Catholic priest came to the hospital to pray over Savannah and with us during the first devastating week of her illness. After praying such a holy prayer, he looked me in the eye and reminded me where Mary stood when Jesus, her firstborn, was suffering on the Cross.  He said to this broken mother, “At the foot of the cross, ‘this is where you stand’”.

Six months later, a wise, poised, and striking Baptist southern belle wanted to know something from me.  How was I able to get out of the bed when I just didn’t think I could?  She prompted me to “take the pain out and put it in my hands and look at it from all angles and perspectives”.  She then wanted me to let her know what I gained from that exercise.  So, I did it (and it wasn’t easy) but here’s what I learned…God is ready and willing to heal me AND He will do so on His terms, not mine. Therefore, I have a responsibility to take part in my healing by getting out of my comfort zone.  When I make a move forward, He will take over.

Fast forward six more months and I am attending the Candlelight Christmas Eve Service at Journey Church in 2017.  After wiping a tear from my eye while singing a song that was part of Savannah’s celebration of life (aka, funeral), I was catapulted back to the foot of the cross with Mary. No, I allowed myself to be Mary for those moments.  During that service, the Spirit kept reminding me that Jesus was created for such a time as this. Mary was created for such a time as this.  Savannah was created for such a time as this. I was created for such a time as this.

This is where you stand.

I have a responsibility to be part of my healing.

I was created for such a time as this.

As I reflected on these three truths God revealed to me during the last year and a half, it hit me like a ton of bricks!  When we are living out the worst nightmare of our life or when we are feeling unloved and forgotten or perhaps when we’ve just lost our way, God wants us to remember the PSALMS.  I’m honestly referring to P. S. A. L. M. S.  Use this acronym to get you back on track…

• Pause – Stop. Get your mind in check.
• Stand at the feet of Jesus – Visually put yourself at the cross. Sense the love. Remind yourself that Jesus, while dying, took care of his mama and He will surely take care of you!
• Appreciate you are exactly where you are supposed to be – Remind yourself that God is not taken aback by your circumstances or even how you feel about them. Ask yourself how you could think about this situation differently.
• Look around you – See who is around. Who has told you they are there for you? Who do you want to be around? Who is a source of support for you? God has strategically placed them there! Get over yourself and your pride and let others love you.
• Meditate on what He is doing and has already done – Get visual and allow yourself to feel the gratitude. Get concrete, write it down!
• Succumb to the love – Thank Him for what He is going to do. Expect He is doing it.  Allow others to love on you.  Realize God wants to take care every aspect of your life and sometimes that’s through others.

Yes, He will comfort us.  He will deliver us, BUT (and it’s a big “but”), we must be willing to allow Him to do so!  John 19:25-27 perfectly represents how God will always take care of us through His Son, Jesus Christ.  It simply takes us to realize it and begin forward motion. So, when you just don’t think you can take another step…just remember the following:

• “This is where I stand”
• “I have the responsibility to allow God to comfort, heal, and encourage me.”
• “I was created for such a time as this.”
• “When in the pit of devastation, frustration, stress, fear (or whatever), I must act according to PSALMS by pausing, standing, appreciating, looking, meditating, and succumbing.”

God Bless!

Stephanie Payne

Thank you, Whitney Durrett, for this fantastic picture of Savannah!  She loved you and I love you and your photography!!!!