Be POSITIVE!!!

So here I sit, 24 Fridays since our beloved Savannah moved from this life into Eternity.  It is, honestly, unreal that 168 days have passed.  As we choose to put one foot in front of the other and make the choice to “thrive”, we continue to miss her, desperately.  The void is ever-present; however, it’s effect on us has changed somewhat with time.  Not lessened with time, but “changed” with time.

I look at each passing day, NOT one more day without her; but, one more day closer to being with her.  I choose to be positive, in spite of, this negative and devastating circumstance.

This is a conscious choice.

This is a difficult choice.

This is a momentary choice.

An intentional choice.

Having a background in psychology and working in the field for 25+ years, I have always had an interest in how our mind (thoughts) affect us.  How do our thoughts affect our behavior and health? How do our thoughts influence our social, emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being?  I have seen how a positive outlook is a huge determiner in what kind of outcome we experience.  Call it what you want … “glass half-full, not half-empty”; “looking on the bright side”; “positivity”; “optimism” … Choosing to have this mind-set MATTERS!

The “Grief Fog” visits often, always unannounced and uninvited. I find that I cannot shorten its stay, but I can “affect” its “effect” on me. Once the sadness subsides enough for me to begin to have rational thoughts again, I remind myself of the positives – and there were MANY where Savannah is concerned.  I think about more “happier” times. I remind myself what a “thrive-er” Savannah was/is in this life.  I imagine what sights and sounds and feelings she is having in Eternity.  I think of THIS day being one day closer to being with her.  Once this difficult choice is made and I begin contemplating the GOOD things, lo and behold, I start to feel better.  The “Grief Fog” begins to subside.  There is no time frame on how long the “Grief Fog” stays, nor can I predict when it comes.  I can, however, determine what I can do while it’s visiting.

A whole new field of psychology is gaining momentum over the last 10 years or so.  Positive Psychology.  This is the “scientific study of the strengths that enable individuals and communities to thrive”.  The goal of positive psychology is “to increase not just human happiness, but human flourishing”.  Sounds a lot like “I’m Alive 2 Thrive”, right?  Human flourishing.  I like this term.  (If this interests you, please check out Dr. Martin Seligman’s work from the University of Pennsylvania at https://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/.)

Scientists are studying the effects of having a positive outlook on our well-being, health, resiliency, ability to grow through adversity, and neurology.  This is an exciting field for me.  I think one of the reasons it’s so exciting for me is that we can all CHOOSE to be positive.  We are not born to have an innate positive outlook.  We do  not wake up one day and … BAM … we are all positive!  We can’t take a “Positive Pill” or read one “Positive Book” and, miraculously, we are positive in an instant.  This is a choice. We choose with each thought and statement to be positive.  There are no short-cuts to positive thinking and developing a positive mindset.  There is a re-training of sorts that must occur.  Negative thoughts are natural for us.  We must choose to neutralize those  negative thoughts with positive ones.  CHOOSE!

I vividly remember one day in the hospital with Savannah and dear, sweet “Nurse Kelly”.  Savannah was losing blood and needing multiple blood products.  That sweet-ray-of -sunshine Kelly looked at this worried mom and said, “Look here at Savannah, she’s so positive, her blood “B-positive!”  Just this little statement, put a smile on  my face and helped me change my perspective from “oh no, NOT more blood!”, to “look, my baby is so positive, her blood B+”.  What a monumental change in perspective.  Kelly’s positive outlook and statement, affected me and, no-doubt, Savannah’s outlook.  We could keep on, keeping on!  Not only does a positive outlook help us, it helps those around us.

I recently read an article by Dr. Seligman, titled “Positive Health” (check out the link here to the article: https://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/sites/default/files/positivehealth2008article.pdf).  In this article, Dr. Seligman is proposing a new field of Positive Psychology … “Positive Health”.  He noted that displaying a positive outlook directly increases our quality of life; reduces costs of health care; improves mental health status; and has been linked to a better prognosis once a diagnosis is given.  The field of Positive Psychology is proving that when we choose to exhibit positive emotions, increase our engagement, work on developing and sustaining positive social relationships, and accomplish “something” we begin to win the war on mental illness, physical illness, and social isolation.  In other words, when we do these few things, our “well-being” is affected and we THRIVE.

Research suggests that when we choose to be genuinely positive or happy, we tend to report more marital satisfaction (Harkes & Keltner, 2001).  Another study suggested that when a positive mood was briefly elevated in physicians, their creativity increased, thus, yielding more accurate diagnoses (Fredrickson, 2001; Isen, 2005) … and, we CERTAINLY want “happy” doctors!  When business meetings kept the ratio of positive comments to negative comments at over 3:1; businesses found an increase in their economic status (Fredrickson & Losada, 2005).  Our increased level of optimism helps prevent significant health “events” while increased levels of depression actually increases the likelihood of serious cardiovascular disease (Kubzansky, Sparrow, Vokonas, & Kawachi, 2001). Being optimistic and exhibiting positive emotions before surgery lead to a more positive recovery process (Leedham, Meyerowitz, Muirhead, & Frist, 1995).  Having a positive outlook and mindset were linked to protective factors against having a stroke (Ostir, Markides, Peek, & Goodwin, 2001). These were also linked to being protective factors against mortality rates in the elderly (Cohen & Pressman, 2006).

Not only is research clear about what having a positive mindset does for us, but the Holy Bible is, as well.  Prior to my beginning to write this blog this morning, a dear, dear sister in the Faith texted me.  She said she was reading Scripture this morning and thought of me.  She prompted me to read and meditate on Psalms 84.  Please go check this out for yourself. But, for me, this passage helped me remember that to be with God, in His dwelling place, is “lovely” (Psalm 84:1).  He is with us, at all times, so shouldn’t we feel “this” (no matter where we are) is lovely?  Verse 4 says, “How happy are those who reside in Your house, who praise You continually.” Having a positive outlook, one full of praise and thanksgiving, helps us to become and remain “happy”.  We read in verse 5 that people whose strength comes from God are “happy”.  So true. I don’t have the strength to carry this burden of my firstborn no longer being with me.  However, God does.  I am able to be happy because His is my strength.  I am reminded that although I am walking through the “Valley of Tears”, these tears will be a “source of spring water” and the “autumn rain will cover it with blessings” (verse 6).  Lastly, I was reminded (in verse 12), that “happy is the person who trusts in You, LORD of Hosts”.

This passage helps me realize that my pain is not in vain.  Also, if I am struggling to be positive, I can look to my Faith, the ONE.  As has been so evident in this journey, God is faithful and will provide ALL my needs.  He needs a willing heart and the obedience to go forward.  He will guide me to be positive.

So, choose to BE POSITIVE.  Yes, it “ain’t gonna be easy” … but what worthwhile ever is?

Yes, it will be a choice that you will have to choose “over and over again”.

So what?

This is developing a positive habit, so “why not, just do it?”.

Why not develop a habit that has long-lasting benefit for not only you, but for ALL those that surround you?

A positive outlook reduces depressive tendencies, increases achievement, and promotes positive physical health.

May you be blessed as you choose to BE POSITIVE and THRIVE!

Stephanie

Oh! Several people had asked me to let them know if I would be speaking in south Mississippi anytime soon.  Well, I am planning on speaking at Bethel Baptist Church in Poplarville, MS on April 23, 2017.  Thank you so much Bethel Baptist for allowing me this honor!