Hope … Our Lifeline

I’ve been thinking a lot about “hope” lately.  When Savannah was in the hospital for those 10 ½ weeks, we were hoping and believing for a full recovery (as were the multitudes praying on her behalf). We were, indeed, shocked when she passed into Eternity on November 4, 2016. If we had not hoped and believed for a full recovery, I believe Savannah would have sensed our negativity or apathy.  I think this would have affected her demeanor and interfered with her yearning for life here on Earth. How we think, feel, and act affects those around us.  Everyone around us. We MUST have hope!

I believe that “hope” is our lifeline here on Earth. It’s what keeps us moving forward. “Hope” means “to expect with confidence”, according the Merriam-Webster.  When we have hope, we believe things are going our way, a “way” that keeps us moving. When thinking about hope being our lifeline, I am reminded that without hope, we become “hopeless”.  We lose our “way”.  Merriam-Webster defines “hopeless” as “having no expectation of good or success”.  NO expectation of goodness. Now, that IS miserable and torturous.  Nothing to look forward to. Nothing to live for. Nothing. Without hope, we lose our purpose and meaning.  Without hope, we see our world through negative lenses.  Feeling hopeless is also a dangerous state of existence. It’s dangerous because one can begin to question their worth.  Feeling hopeless is actually a warning sign of possible suicidal tendencies. To feel hopeless is serious. Period.

Tim, Isabella, and I never felt hopeless. Shocked … yes. Scared … yes. Devastated … yes. Hopeless … NO.  I remember talking with my husband one night when she was so sick.  The doctors had said earlier that day that we may have to make some difficult “decisions”.  I remember looking at Tim and saying, “Regardless of the outcome, she WINS!”  Now, we would be miserable (and are) and miss her terribly (and do) if she did not make it through that particular hurdle, but she will have received her reward.  Upon receipt her reward, she would begin her ETERNITY where there is no pain, sorrow, guilt, hopelessness … you get the picture.

As you may well know, we did not receive the answer we wanted.  Yes, she received her eternal reward at just 21 years old. I still have hope, though. I’ve shifted my hope from a full recovery here on Earth to a hope of things to come (for us) and things realized (by those who have gone before us … my firstborn).

I shared in a recent blog that Grief grabbed me up and shook me down for about a week and a half.  I finally came out of it and was determined to be “rested and ready” the next time Grief comes knocking at my door by adopting a more healthy and spiritual lifestyle (including eating whole foods, exercising, and practicing yoga consistently).  Today has been two weeks since I made that oath to take better care of myself. I believe that God has blessed me and provided me an awakening of “hope” though this with glimpses … specifically … by giving me some intense Savannah “moments”.   Seven of the last 10 days we have been given little Savannah “moments” in various forms.

Dreams. Two people who have never met Savannah dreamed “vivid” dreams of Savannah acting and behaving in true Savannah form (comforting, loving, having fun, laughing, encouraging, hugging). Two others, who knew her VERY well, dreamed almost identical dreams where Savannah was happy, hugging, and just being … well … Savannah. What assurance!

Notes. I found a note in a bible of mine from Savannah’s beloved 1^st grade teacher discussing Savannah being the “Star Student” that week.  This note reminded me of Savannah’s character.  Even as a 1^st grader, she cared for others, especially the forgotten or invisible.  Her teacher noted that when Savannah was asked who her “helpers” were for the party, she stood up and asked, “Who hasn’t had a turn yet?”.  She chose them to be her helper that day.  Her teacher further noted how thoughtful Savannah was. This is a trait she never outgrew.  This was sooooo good to read and think about.

Music. As I was traveling last weekend, I decided to listen to music.  The first song that came on was from Adele’s latest album, 25, and was titled,  Remedy. I listened to it, then I listened to it again.  The second time it hit me that our Father is our “remedy” to all that ails us.  I turned this song into a praise and worship song reminding God, and myself, that HE is my REMEDY!  After I listened to it about 4 or 5 times, I realized  … THAT song … Remedy … was Savannah’s favorite song on that album!  I oftentimes would skip this song and Savannah was quick to tell me, “No, you can listen to yours after I listen to mine.” (She was a little bossy like that!)  I had never listened to the song before, truly listened.  Yep, it’s my favorite song now!

People. The Naomi Ministries at the Pentecostals of the Twin Cities allowed me to speak to them this past Saturday.  When they initially contacted me weeks ago, I was so uplifted at their excitement to hear about my dear Savannah.  After we got off the phone, that precious sister texted me almost immediately.  She wanted to know Savannah’s favorite foods and color.  They wanted to make this day “special”. Oh my, did they!  I was shocked at the love, handiwork, and care given to every detail.  It was stunning and perfectly “Savannah”. There were pictures, sayings, music, flowers, comfort foods (I’m STILL dreaming about that banana pudding!!), and many, many hugs! Just tangible love.  While I was waiting in line to fill my plate with good ol’ comfort foods, two beautiful young ladies introduced themselves to me.  Savannah had been their resident assistant (RA) at the University of Louisiana at Monroe.  They told me how much they loved Savannah coming into their rooms.  They said she would ask about them and encourage them. Wow!  So good for this mom to hear.  I especially liked their hugs! Savannah’s dearest friends from ULM called Isabella the other night.  It was so good for Isabella to spend time with “Savannah’s people” (we do love those girls!).

Technology. People have posted pictures of Savannah on Facebook.  Others have texted me words of encouragement and remembrances of Savannah.  Some have sent me Facebook messages. This week … an explosion of all things Savannah!

I believe the timing of these “Savannah moments” is, as our God is, perfect.  I believe my FATHER sent these to me to encourage me and remind me of my hope.  These things remind me, not only of my precious firstborn, but of the ULTIMATE HOPE we have as believers in Jesus Christ.  They certainly make me happy, expectant … well, hope – FUL in the midst of my grief!!!

Dreams, notes, music, people, and technology … they all made a difference to me this week. All of these things, individually and collectively, help solidify my hope in things to come for me and things realized for Savannah.  These “Savannah moments” help me know Savannah is not forgotten and that she is alive and well in another existence that we don’t understand. I realized this week that I don’t think of her in the past tense.  Why would I if I believe what Scripture says? She does not “cease to exist” just because she is not here in the physical realm. Oh, yes, it pains me to know that I won’t get to have a two-way conversation with her.  It is so shocking, still, that I can’t hug her, stroke her hair, or touch that butter-smooth face.  But, I am reminded that her existence is in a realm I do not and cannot fathom.  Just because I don’t understand it, doesn’t mean that she doesn’t exist! I am hopeful and looking forward to more Savannah “moments” to help me understand.

I want to thank those that have shared their “moments” with me again.  They did not want to upset me but felt the urge to share with me.  I cannot tell you how much this means to me.  Furthermore, I want to encourage anyone who has a “moment” involving someone’s loved one to,  please, share it with them.  Those of us who grieve DO want to talk about those who are no longer with us.  It is good to laugh and remember all aspects of them.  You sharing your “moment” will likely evoke the same response that I experienced … Hope.

If you think someone feels hopeless, reach out to them.  Don’t let them feel that alone. Let them know they matter.  Do not worry about their response.  Hurting people are trying to survive and they are unable to consider your feelings.  Surround them with love.  First Corinthians 13:13 says, “And now these three remain: faith, hope, and love. But the greatest of these is love”. Faith, hope, and love are BIG DEALS to God. The first two should be wrapped up in love.

Hebrews 10:23 encapsulates what we are to do while on Earth.  “Let us hold tightly without wavering to the hope we affirm, for God can be trusted to keep His promise.  Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works.  And, let us not neglect meeting together”.  We must know WHO we belong to, love on each other, motivate one another, help each other, and get together.  We are not to do this life alone!

I leave you with Paul’s prayer in Romans 15:13.

I pray that God, the source of hope,

will fill you completely with joy and peace

because you trust in Him. 

Then, you will overflow with confident hope

through the power of the Holy Spirit.

AMEN!

I will have the honor and privilege to speak Sunday at the First Baptist Church of Ruston, LA. Savannah’s church in her beloved Ruston to “her people”. This is where I was last with Savannah in the physical as this is the place where we celebrated her short life. I am hopefully expectant that I will have an abundance of Savannah “moments”!

Be blessed, go rest, have hope, and, THRIVE!

Stephanie