This weekend, I had the esteemed pleasure and honor to speak at the 96th annual Louisiana Farm Bureau Convention Women’s Leadership Committee Brunch. A “pleasure” because I am surrounded by so many amazing and accomplished women in the agricultural community while in the great city of New Orleans. A “honor” because I’m given the opportunity to collectively thank an organization that means more to me and my family than can be conveyed with words. No, words just can’t cut it! This organization is made up of ready and willing souls hungry to make a difference while feeding others literally and figuratively! There is no “physical” way to thank individuals who were, quite frankly, part of your “lifeline” during the most horrendous time in your life. The only way, in my opinion, is to convey the emotion I feel through spiritual means. I was so thankful to be given an opportunity to look people in their eye, into their souls, and deeply “thank” them. Yep, I jumped at the chance to thank them! We tend to throw around the label, “Farm Bureau Family”, quite easily. I NOW know the meaning of this label. This “family” is part of MY family and I am so honored and fortunate to be affiliated with them!
During the ten days of “flood relief” in August 2016 and the days spent in “survival mode” of the subsequent 10 ½ weeks and beyond following our daughter becoming critically ill, this organization never left our side. I mean that wholeheartedly and they were WITH US at every level in every means possible. I do not believe while I am on Earth that I will EVER hear all the stories about how people supported and partnered with us during Savannah’s illness. I’m not sure I could handle it if I truly knew everything! When I do hear of them, I am blown away!
Many people don’t know how to approach the grieving or devastated, so they just don’t approach. Therefore, the door is never opened. I totally understand how uncomfortable people can feel around me and others in my “situation”. I’ve found that me opening the door first, either individually or collectively, opens that door so the conversation can begin.
As I was preparing to speak to this esteemed group of women, I began thinking about commonalities we all shared. Yes, we are women, that’s obvious. That’s only one. However, we come from different “walks” of life and are in different seasons of life. Speaking from south Louisiana, some of us NEED some seasoning and others have WAY too much seasoning!
I was pondering the question, “What is a common thread running through our lives?” I realized that we all are trying to do the best we can. Now, we may not make the best decisions all the time (according to some people), but we aren’t trying to mess up either! I don’t think we wake up in the morning and say to ourselves, “I think I’m going to screw my life up today” or say, “I believe I want to make a stupid decision today”. Things just happen sometimes and I believe we strive to make the best decision we know how to at time based on our experience, personality, and social group. Yes, THINGS happen sometime that are out of our control. No matter how hard we try, BAD things happen regardless how hard we try to prevent them. There’s a common thread.
We drive the speed limit, eat as healthy as we can, try to get some exercise, tell our kids when they leave to “Be careful”, and we worry about the “important” things. We can easily become obsessed trying to prevent a crisis, but the reality is that if we live, we will be faced with them at some time in our life. It’s just the reality we live in! A common thread. Bad things just happen sometimes regardless of our efforts to prevent them. Truth.
When our house flooded, I remember being physically exhausted. Everyone seemed to feel the exact same way. I remember the first time I went to Wal Mart after the shelves were restocked following the flood. This was my first venture out of the neighborhood into the community that looked ravaged like a war zone. We ALL looked like the “walking dead”, or zombies. We had that zombie shuffle, blank expression on our face, and limited energy level. We not only looked like the “walking dead”, we FELT like it. I remember thinking, “If I can just know that I’m going to make it through this, then I think I’m going to be OK.”
Ten days later when I received the call that Savannah was “sorta unresponsive” while at college four hours away. “I am going to be OK if I know she will be OK.” During the 10 ½ that ensued, I remember thinking, “I can make it if I just know I’m OK”. I remember saying to myself…trying to convince myself, “You can do this. You are going to be OK. You are going to make it through this”.
During the days after Savannah moved into Eternity, I remember telling myself, “Put one foot in front of the other. You can do this. You are going to be OK (whether you feel like you will or not)”.
Even today, over 19 months since, I still remind myself at times, “You are going to be OK. You can do this”.
Here’s THE common thread I was looking for. Things are going to happen out of our control. I believe that we can keep moving forward if we think we are going to be OK. If we think we can make it, we will. We just need to feel like we are going to be OK. This is true of children, adolescents, young adults, middle agers, and the wise “seasoned ones”. If we can just know we are going to be OK, then we can keep going. It’s circular…I can keep going if I think I’m going to be OK…I’m going to be OK if I think I can. Circular.
I’m here to tell you, “You’re going to be OK”, regardless of your circumstances. You have the potential to be OK but (and it’s a BIG BUT) you must put in the work to make sure you’re OK. Nothing of value withstands without choice, effort, and work.
That work may be in the form of getting out of the bed when you don’t think you can. The work may be in the form of “faking it until you make it”. Smiling when you don’t want to so that the endorphins will be released and your body chemistry makes you feel better. That work may be embracing the grief or pain instead of running from it. Possibly, the work means you have to make yourself be still and just succumb. Your work may be releasing yourself from having to do everything and allowing others to help you along the way.
This “work” allows you to move WITH your devastation, grief, crisis, and pain. This “work” helps you develop an awareness that “I’m going to be OK”. You begin to know that you’re going to be OK when you realize that you WANT to be OK. The desire and the willingness must equally be present.
Over the last 19+ months, I continually choose and revise my journey toward “OK-ness”. When I feel myself gravitating toward the pit of despair, I have learned I can do something to keep me away from the pit. I step away and breathe. I make myself gain a new perspective. I appreciate that I am right where I’m supposed to be and there is always something to learn in any given situation. I look around at who is surrounding me and offering to encourage and lift me up. I make myself meditate on the good stuff…I make myself find some good in every situation. Lastly, I succumb. I succumb to the fact while telling myself often (whether I believe it or not at the time), “I’m going to be OK”.
If you’re interested in my process toward Ok-ness, please check out this link: https://lfbfconvention.org/videos/ Scroll down and find the Women’s Brunch link. While you’re there, check out some other cool videos!
This is a picture of my youngest, Isabella, and I at the convention. How can you NOT be OK with such sweetness!!!
Choose to believe “You’re going to be OK” while THRIVING.
Stephanie