Insights Towards Positivity

Since stepping into this next phase of my life, I have had an opportunity to dig deeper into subjects and topics that interest me.  One of these “interests” have been within the field of Positive Psychology.  I’ve succumb to my desire to drive further on this “Highway of Information” out there and learn more about how our thoughts affect everything about us.  In addition to speaking, writing, and blogging,  I decided it was time to continue my life coach training (as I had to suspend my training due to the flood and, subsequently, Savannah’s race).  I am happy to say I have signed up for two classes and am getting excited.  (This is a fairly new feeling I am being reacquainted with again … excitement … and it feels nice.)  One of the classes I am taking is discussing how the questions we ask ourselves can determine the outcomes we experience. I am also exploring Positive Psychology.

I’d like to share some insights I’ve gained through these endeavors. One insight that is being cemented in my brain has already been a focus of a previous blog (GOT TO DO IT? … GET TO DO IT? IT’S UP TO YOU!!!).  This cemented insight is … “Our mindset is up to us”.  I like the Urban Dictionary’s definition of mindset best, one’s “outlook towards life”.  The Book of Stephanie (not an actual book) might also add that mindset is like “looking at one’s life through a certain pair of glasses (or perspective) and to change the mindset would simply require one to look at life’s situations, circumstances, or people through another pair of lenses (another perspective).”

Do we need to change our mindset? Would changing our mindset be helpful, fruitful, or effective to others, this situation, or circumstance?  What mindset change would help us and/or others grow? I’d argue that the mindset that promotes growth would be the mindset to work towards manifesting.  For example, if we have the mindset the “people are generally bad”, then would we allow ourselves to see the good in others?  If we have the mindset that “I am worthless”, then would we be open to how we matter to those in our life?” If our mindset isn’t challenged, then we don’t grow.  We remain at “status quo”.

I had the pleasure of making contact with one of Savannah’s professors at the University of Louisiana at Monroe this week.  I emailed her in response to one of Savannah’s friends letting me know about a conversation she had had with this professor and during the course of the conversation, Savannah happened to come up.  (Oh, how I love hearing that people are still talking and thinking about my firstborn!) Anyway, this professor shared a memory she cherished about Savannah meeting with her about a grade on a test she had received.  I remember Savannah talking about wanting to go to see this professor to ask her how to best prepare for the tests.  Savannah expressed to this teacher that she wanted to know how best to study for this material because she wanted to learn it – I knew that.  What I was unaware of was that she told this professor that “she didn’t just want to be a good speech/language pathologist (SLP), she wanted to be a GREAT one”.

Savannah could have had the mindset that said, “Well, I didn’t do good on this test, I guess I’m not cut out to be a SLP”. Or, “I can’t do anything, guess I’ll just quit”.  Possibly, she could have looked at this situation negatively toward the instructor, such as, “That instructor is a jerk”. Maybe her mindset could have been “That professor doesn’t want me wasting her time”.  These mindsets would not have allowed for positive change to occur.

Instead, her mindset seemed to be “I want to be the best SLP ever, so I am going to find out how to go about that”.  A forward – thinking mindset.  She told me about meeting with the instructor afterwards.  Her confidence was given a boost and she became excited about her possibilities.  An additional benefit, although she did not know it, was that this instructor has a memory that she “cherishes”.  Man, what a difference mindset makes! She chose to look at the grade she made differently and it became an agent of change (and positive change at that!).

The second insight is that “Positivity is a choice”.  Early pioneers of the field of psychology held the premise that we are all “messed up” somehow and some more “messed up” than others (from the Book of Stephanie).  I recently heard that the early pioneers held the belief that “the best we can do in life is … just NOT be miserable” with no attention given to the idea of thriving or leading meaningful, growing lives.  How very depressing is this?  The best we can do is just to NOT be miserable? Really?

Yes, we can choose to be either more “positive” or more “negative”.  It’s up to us to choose positivity because we are somewhat “hard wired” to look on the more pessimistic side and to lean more toward a  catastrophic perception of our life’s circumstances, situations, and people.  I mentioned in the blog last week that in the business world, when the ratio of positive to negative comments is at least or more than 3:1, businesses flourish.  I did not mention that in our personal lives, in our marriages, that the ratio of positive to negative comments should be greater than 5:1.  We NEED positivity in our lives to thrive in our work and relationships!

In regards to Savannah’s interaction with the professor, Savannah could have thought that this (grade on her test) was the best she could do.  Within this negative mindset, change would likely not have occurred.  It would be safe to assume that she would have prepared the same for the second test as she had for the first one.  Yielding no or minimal positive change in her grade.  Within this negative mindset, she would likely not have become more motivated and excited about her field of study.  “What would there have been to be excited about, if all she could ever do was what she had done?”  Due to her choosing to manifest a positive mindset (outlook), she was motivated, she was encouraged, and her instructor was blessed (and her mom soaked in the beauty of her daughter’s positivity).

The last insight I want to share is that we ALL have the ability to change our mindset and look on the “bright side”… any given point in time.  With every person, circumstance, and situation that comes our way, we can choose which path we will go down.  We just have to “Conduct  mental positivity checks frequently”.  Check yourself and your thought patterns in regards to the situations you find yourself in, circumstances you’re faced with, and those people you are around.  Ask yourself if you could look at this situation differently.  Consider what part you play in this circumstance.

It is very important to not let yourself be negative “about” yourself as you begin to change your mindset from negative to positive.  That may sound a bit nebulous but it is easy to fall into a negative mindset when work is involved, especially work on ourselves.  Simply acknowledging the negative mindset and discovering how to change it is powerful.  The next step would be to DO IT! Do whatever you determined could assist this change in thinking.

One of the classes I am taking is based on principles discussed in the book, Change Your Questions, Change Your Results by Dr. Marilee Adams.  This book helps the reader identify their mindset (Learner or Judger) and then helps determine what changes or shifts in thinking need to be made in order to move forward. I highly recommend it if this has piqued your interest.

To summarize,

Our mindset is up to us,

Positivity is a choice, and

Conduct frequent mental positivity checks.

I also wanted to share a few Scriptures to meditate on while you are considering these things.  Not only does science confirm it, Scripture reveals what is needed for a positive mindset to occur.

Philippians 4:8 “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”

Ephesians 4:31-32 “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

Romans 12:2 “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.”

Proverbs 17:22 “A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.”

Personally, I am looking forward to a very positive week. I will be speaking at Mineral Springs Baptist Church and Life Church in the Ruston area of north Louisiana on Sunday, April 30^th.  Tuesday night (May 2^nd), I will be speaking at the First Baptist Church in Calhoun, LA to the ladies of the Heartfelt Ministries.  I will close out the week in Simsboro at the First Baptist Church on Saturday morning (May 5^th).  I expect my heart will be full and my soul soothed.  Thank you in advance for these opportunities.

May you be blessed and THRIVE!

Stephanie