I must have repeated the statement, “It’s not what you say, it’s what you do”, a million and 15 times while my daughters were growing up. This was in response to Savannah or Isabella saying one thing and acting in other ways contrary to what they were saying. Sometimes, the follow-up statement would be, “Actions speak louder than words”. Other times, I would say, “Show me, don’t tell me”.
When I think about all three of these statements and the point I was trying to get across when parenting my children, I realize that it was about “character”. I was more concerned about their character than whether or not they were right or wrong, fair or unfair, or obedient or disobedient. I knew my children’s character and I wanted them to act accordingly, as well. Character is revealed in our reactions and behaviors.
The word “character” has multiple meanings in the English language. I like the following definitions from Merriam – Webster: “one of the attributes or features that make up and distinguish an individual”; “the complex of mental and ethical traits”; “moral excellence and firmness”; and “reputation”. Our character speaks volumes about the essence of who we are as individuals. Our character is revealed when we are pushed, squeezed, and tempted. This is when our true character is revealed.
Our youngest daughter, Isabella, was 17 years old when our house flooded and a few weeks later her sister, Savannah, became critically ill. Everyone agrees Isabella was “pushed, squeezed, and tempted” during that period of time from August to November when our family was facing the most horrific trial imaginable for a mom, dad, and sister. Yes, Isabella’s character was revealed and, as her mother, I am so proud to call her “daughter”. She never complained while in “flood relief mode”. Isabella was available, level-headed, and responsible during the 10 ½ weeks her parents were by Savannah’s side as she was fighting for her life in two intensive care units four hours away from Isabella. Isabella took care of her basic needs, handled her school and home responsibilities, and drove the four hours to visit Savannah as often as she could. Isabella allowed her parents to be fully present with Savannah because she knew Savannah needed them most at that time in her life. Isabella humbly put herself “second”. Isabella’s character continues to be revealed, 19 months later, as she takes good care of her parents and those in her world. Her actions are speaking loudly that her character is “strong”.
This weekend I was surrounded by women whose character was also revealed as “strong”. I began playing tennis in January in a women’s league. I have the pleasure of being on a tennis team with some amazing women of all ages. Our coach is strong, knowledgeable, and encouraging. This weekend, we were “pushed, squeezed, and tempted” at the state championship tennis tournament. You read that right, “I” was in THE state championship tennis tournament!
In January of this year, I joined a league mainly for the social and physical benefits. When I was about 11 or 12, my parents picked up a racket for the first time and began playing in their late 30s and early 40s. My little brother and I took lessons and participated in tennis camps during those two or three summers. Following my father’s transfer for work, our family moved from rural north Louisiana to the “big city” of Los Angeles, California the summer before my freshman year of high school. I attended the majority of ninth grade in California and we moved back to Louisiana a month or so before my freshman year ended. I haven’t played any “real” tennis matches since those two or three summers around 37 years ago. Now, I signed my kids up when they were little for a couple of summer tennis clinics. I wanted them to have some experience with tennis because I have such good childhood memories of my parents playing tennis. In 2014, while Savannah was home for the summer from college, I signed both the girls and myself up for a local beginner’s tennis clinic. It was very basic, learning how to hold the racket again, hit the ball, and learn a few rules. After that clinic, we hit the ball around as a family a time or two. I’ve shared this picture before, but I just love it! This was taken on one of the times we hit the ball around as a family. I remember thinking that when I become an “empty-nester”, I am going to play tennis! Flash forward 37+ years and I am in the STATE CHAMPIONSHIP TENNIS TOURNAMENT!!!! I have joked that it has taken me 50 years, but I am an athlete now!!!! Well, sorta. Anyway, I digress.
This past weekend, my team played tennis with some of the best in the state at our level! I’m honestly shocked to be there because I just started playing tennis, for real, in January!!!! I was honored just to be there at the tournament! I didn’t tell anyone but my first match Friday morning that I played was on the very same courts that Savannah, Isabella, and I took those very basic tennis lessons during that beginner clinic in 2014! As I was walking toward the courts and during the match, memories flooded my mind of us chasing balls, laughing at ourselves, and wondering if we would ever get a chance to play! To be on THAT court, quite honestly, was bittersweet. I must add that my partner and I had “worthy” opponents (actually, they were precious women) on that court and, unfortunately, we lost our match on that court. Our team faced challenges throughout the tournament, not only physical challenges, but challenges to our character. We were very close to playing in the championship match but did not make it. I can tell you that I am so honored to be part of such a wonderful team and have an amazing coach. We lifted each other up when one of us were down. We offered to help those in need. We cheered each other on. When our character came into question, we overcame with love. I saw my teammates “do their job and a little bit more”.
Our perfect example of character is Jesus Christ. His character revealed God’s nature in every interaction He had while on Earth. I am reminded of His character when Jesus was dying on the cross. Scripture reveals Jesus said in Luke 23:34, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” He was saying this as those that nailed Him to the cross divided up his clothes by casting lots.
Character.
Forgive others.
Act in love, not react in hate.
Know and respect boundaries.
Give and give more.
Do your job and a little bit more.
Character.
What is your character revealing about you? I am so thankful for the models of good character in my life!
May your character speak louder than words as you THRIVE!
Stephanie