Laundry Day! Woohoo!

Saturday was Laundry Day! A glorious day to be celebrated by all who lives at our address!  The day we had been waiting to arrive for almost two weeks!

Woohoo!  Laundry Day!

I can say, in all my 51 years, I have NEVER been so excited to “get” to do laundry!  I have “done” many a load over the years and NEVER, not even once, had I EVER been excited.  You see, our washing machine broke, sort of blew up, one Monday afternoon.  I was unable to “do” laundry for 11 days.  Now, in years past, being “unable” to do laundry would have sounded like a reprieve.  However, it was the contrary.  Laundry kept piling up over the course of the next days.  There were times, it was as though the piles were calling me by name … “Stephanie…Stephanie… it’s time to do laundry”. I’m reminded of a Duncan Donuts commercial when I was a kid, the Duncan Donut man would be awakened and constantly say, “It’s time to make the donuts”.  This is how I felt.  “It’s time to do the laundry” played in a continuous loop over and over in my head.

By the time we decided to purchase a new one, the delivery date was the following Friday, almost two weeks later.  So, I ignored the calling of my name, purchased new “necessities” to get us through until the delivery of our new addition, and let the piles pile up even higher.  What a fantastic day it was to see the delivery truck pull up, the gentlemen unload our fabulous new appliance, and behold it in the place designated just for the almighty washing machine!

I appreciated every moment of “doing” the laundry this weekend.  Our new addition has a glass top, I’m not going to lie.  I actually spent a few moments watching it agitate.  I washed our clothes, towels, throw blankets, and our bedding.  I washed EVERYTHING and enjoyed every second of it.  I took a moment and took in the fresh scent as I transferred the wash to the dryer or hung them on the line.  I took care to fold them “just so” and felt accomplished when all the clothes were tucked safely away.  A good weekend, indeed.

This is totally different than my previous response to “doing” laundry.  Laundry is a chore, a task that MUST be done.  I’ll reveal a little parenting experience …  I have used “doing” laundry as a consequence over the years for my children’s misbehavior.  I’m not sure how effective it was, but I can say my children learned how to “do” laundry at an early age AND it speaks to my general thoughts about “doing” laundry.    Regardless, this is a life-long skill we use throughout our lives and it simply must be learned, the younger the better!

So, what changed?  Why did I love “doing” laundry this weekend, when I have wished it could go away before?  I did not look at this mound of dirty clothes and say to myself, “I’ve GOT to do the laundry.” No, I looked at these growing heaps, and said, “I GET to do the laundry!”

It was all in my approach to the task.  The “task” was the same … “do” laundry.  The way in which I thought about the task switched.  It changed.  I was thankful to have the opportunity to buy another washing machine and have it delivered to my home.  It was when I no longer had the ability to wash clothes, did I fully appreciate the gift of a washing machine.

My mindset changed.

As human beings, we possess the ability to evaluate our thinking and make changes accordingly.  The philosopher, Rene’ Descartes, is credited with saying, “I think, therefore I am”.  Meaning, we are what we think.  Henry Ford said, “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t, you’re right.”  We behave in a manner consistent with our thinking.   We become what we think.

A couple of weeks ago, I shared the new equation to life I live by: Perspective Change + Mindset Shift + Anxiety/Stress Management = New Philosophy to Life

Last week, I shared about gaining a new perspective when we are faced with challenges by looking at “it” from all angles.  To see “it”, the situation, for what “it” is … a situation which we can choose our response.  One way to begin to see other perspectives to life’s challenges is by asking “How can I think about this differently?”.

I viewed “doing” laundry this weekend much differently because I was faced with a new perspective.  I appreciate having a washing machine and being given the opportunity to “do” laundry.  The it (doing laundry) did not change but how I thought about the task and how I approached the task varied greatly.

When faced with another challenge or something you’re not looking forward to, I encourage you to ask yourself, “How can I think about it differently?”  The answers you come up with leads you to the second factor in my equation to life.  The answers provide you with clues to the various mindsets you can take regarding the task or challenge.

I’m going to share a very personal and intimate example of a daily choice regarding my mindset I make.

My “it” that never goes away is the fact that I have lost contact with my precious firstborn, Savannah.  She moved into Eternity at the age of 21 in November 2016.  It sickens me to think about “all” her little body endured during her last 10 ½ weeks.  I can quickly, almost immediately, dive head-first into the pit of despair and be totally engulfed in my grief and agony.  While flailing around in the pit, I torture myself with thoughts and questions that keep me drowning in it.  Why did this have to happen to Savannah?  Why do we have to be a family of three and not four?  You’re supposed to add members of your family, not have them ripped from you!  What did Savannah, Tim, Isabella, or I do to deserve this?  I should have known she didn’t feel well.  I must be an awful mother.  Why did God take a good person who loves others, when there are so many evil people on Earth?

When these questions and thoughts start swirling in my head, I am in the pit.  Once I realize I’m in the pit and I don’t want to stay there, THIS is when I ask that question, “How can I think about THIS differently?”  The “this” is the fact: I have lost contact with Savannah and am left with a void I must learn to live with.  “This” is a fact AND I possess the ability to evaluate my thinking about the fact and can choose how to respond to this fact.

Like I said, when I’m tired of being in the pit, I ask myself, “How can I think about it differently?”. I look at each answer and evaluate whether they will contribute to my growth and ability to thrive.  I decide on what I want to focus on, and I do so.

I’ll share a couple personal mindset shifts with you:  I remind myself that Savannah will be forever 21 and had never experienced debilitating grief like I have.  She will NEVER, nor will she EVER, experience loss, grief, shame, guilt, stress, etc.  Forever! I focus on what she may be experiencing in Eternity.  I meditate on the fact that God chose her to make an Eternal Impact for those who knew and loved her.  God loves Savannah more than I can imagine and He is with us every step of this difficult way!  These thoughts do not change the fact that I’ve lost contact with Savannah.

What DOES “it” do? These thoughts help me get out of the pit.  This line of thinking helps me gain hope, purpose, and meaning.

Lately, when I’m in the pit, I remind myself of these facts: I choose to look at each passing day as one day closer to her, not one day from her.  When I’m particularly deep in the pit of despair, I call out to God to give me just a glimpse of what she’s experiencing now.  When I have called out in desperation, He delivers in such a mighty way, tailored just for me.  You see, when I call to Him, I receive a warm feeling that radiates from within my physical body.  Yes, I “feel” a bit of what she may be feeling in Heaven. This warmth is accompanied by such a feeling of joy and anticipation, I begin to have butterflies in my stomach.  It is then, I get out of the pit, thank God for this assurance, and keep moving forward.

This is a picture taken in November 2013.  I could look at this picture and think back to a “simpler” time before my mother’s diagnosis of cancer, before realizing the challenges of starting a new job in a new city, before experiencing the challenges of Savannah and Isabella’s freshman years in college and high school, and well before Savannah became critically ill.  I could look at this picture and dive off the diving board of life into the pit of “what was”.  However, I choose to thank God for these wonderful people He specifically chose for ME.  I feel warmth when I think about all the memories I share with these people.  I smile when I look at each of the smiles in this picture.  I choose to thank God for “what was”, “what is”, and “what will be” – my new perspective.

Nope, gaining a new perspective and choosing a mindset toward growth does not change the circumstances.   We will always be faced with challenges so that we can continue to grow.  Our response to these challenges is our choice.  You can choose how you think about your challenges.

Choose to thrive.  Choose a new perspective.  Choose a mindset leading to growth.

You are your thoughts.

Choose and THRIVE!

Stephanie