Obituary: Notice or Tribute – You Decide

An obituary.

A pretty morbid concept or thought for anyone who hasn’t had the opportunity (yet) to write one.  Merriam – Webster describes an obituary as “a notice of a person’s death usually with a short biographical account”.  Blah. Blah. Blah. An extremely stale and unsympathetic definition if you ask me (someone who has written a few obituaries in her lifetime).  Reading through various definitions I find that the world looks at an obituary as a “notice of death”.  Notice of DEATH. I do NOT agree. Well, as I consult the nonexistent “Book of Stephanie”, I am convinced that an obituary is “the written tribute of a life”.

A TRIBUTE!

Now, go check the definition of “tribute” in ol’ Merriam – Webster. Here you’ll find a tribute is “something that you say, give, or do to show respect or affection for someone; something that proves the good quality or effectiveness of something”.  Now THAT is something to read!  I see a monumental difference between these two words … “notice” and “tribute”.

Hmmm … do I want someone to just read that I’ve died or do I want someone to read that I made a difference, exhibited a good quality, or was effective? I bet you know the answer.  I not only want someone to read that I’ve made a difference … I want that to be TRUE! I want to have made a difference!  The obituary is the first peek into that person sooooo very loved that those left behind can’t seem to breathe without them.  Then, I’ve grown to see the wake, or visitation, as a time to experience and see the outpouring of family and friend’s love as to the testament of the loved one’s life.  I see the funeral as a celebration of THIS life, the obituary manifested. The obituary is the written tribute while the funeral is the visual, spiritual, spoken, and experienced tribute of the beloved life.

I am VERY aware, Savannah, my sweet first-born, has made and IS making a difference.  Well, this weekend I was, again, reminded that another life MADE and is continuing to MAKE a DIFFERENCE!  Yet another heartbroken family is left behind with a void so unimaginable. This void is left by their first-born and big brother moving into Eternity.  We have known this family, well, since the beginning of time (or so it seems).  Once Savannah became ill, this family wrapped us tight and close in prayer, laughter, food, and love.  They have NEVER left our side.  This past Saturday, their 26-year old firstborn moved into Eternity completely unexpectantly.  “Simply heartbroken” does not begin to describe what this void “feels” like.

But, the heartbreak doesn’t stop there in our small circle of friends.  One of Savannah’s dearest friends from the University of Louisiana at Monroe and her beautiful family is now mourning the loss of her brother and their son.  Yes, this is ANOTHER family who will be celebrating the life (gone too soon) of someone who “completed them”, who made them “better”, who made a “difference” in their life.  Gone.  This is WRONG! But, no matter how “wrong” this is … this is about as “REAL” as it gets.  I cannot wait to hug them this weekend as I go celebrate their brother, son, nephew, and friend.  He left this earth as a vibrant 19-year old student-athlete at the University of Louisiana at Monroe.  I also want to add that, yes, THIS family also partnered with us during Savannah’s illness through love and prayer.  They were actively involved in getting in touch with someone who could and was willing to support Savannah in her recovery.  I haven’t the appropriate words to express the hope and peace this provided me while Savannah was in the MICU unit at St. Francis Hospital in Monroe, Louisiana.

Please enjoy all three pictures of these beautiful and perfect creations of our Almighty God and Father.  The love that surround these three is immense, immeasurable, perfect, and beautiful.  The smiles. The peace. The eyes. The love. The happiness.  Please enjoy.  I sure am.

These are representative of the “obituary” pictures.

Sunday, August 13^th marked the one year anniversary of our house flooding.  I had the honor to spend it hugging, crying, laughing, and simply “being” with my friends one day after their son and brother got to see Jesus and Savannah. This Wednesday, August 23^rd, marks the one year anniversary that I received the call that “Savannah was sorta unresponsive”.  One year since she became critically ill.  One year beginning our “10 ½ weeks”.

I’ve had people tell me they are “dreading” that day … August 23, 2017 for what it represents.  Others want to mark that day with some sort of remembrance.  Others just want to wake up and that day pass, just be gone.  The way the Grief Fog works in my life, I have no idea what that day will hold for me.  I’m not dreading it. I’m just living and be-ing.

When I speak, I usually ask those listening, “If you knew that either you or someone you loved had only 10 ½ weeks left here on Earth, what would you do differently?”  I am quick to clarify that I am not asking them “What would be different?” or “What someone else should do differently?” I am asking “What would YOU do differently?”

So, as I am pondering the beginning of THE 10 ½ weeks, I encourage those reading this blog to take this question to heart.  I’ve asked it before. Did you do anything with it? Have you made any changes?

These three pictures you are able to enjoy could be substituted with pictures of you or your loved ones.  No one is immune to the finality of death.  There will be an obituary written of you one day. I know this may seem shocking or upsetting to read this.  And, INDEED it IS shocking and upsetting to live with a void so immense you have to be reminded to breathe.  However, you are breathing and, so, therefore, you are given a gift. This gift is the time you have left.  With this “gift” of time, you can still make a difference in your life and the lives of those you come in contact with on a day-to-day basis.

If you are here on this earth, YOU MATTER.

If you are breathing, you can effect POSITIVE CHANGE on others.

It’s simple.  It’s true.

If you are able to read this blog, you have the ability to decide if you’re ready to make a difference.  I refuse to beg. I will not plead. I will not guilt you into participating.  However, if you seriously want to make a difference in this life…

1. Spend the next few days contemplating “that” question: “If you knew that either you or someone you loved had only 10 ½ weeks left here on Earth, what would you do differently?”
2. By Wednesday, August 23^rd, write down what you will do to make a difference. Maybe it’s forgive the unworthy.  Possibly it’s donate to “that” cause.  Make memories. Perhaps you will decide to love the unlovely.  Make the phone calls you’ve put off for years.  Go visit. Change your profession.  Slow down.  Get to know this Jesus you’ve heard about. Tell everyone you meet what a difference THEY make in your life.  I don’t know what it is.  But, if you legitimately determine to make a difference, it will be revealed to you.
3. For each day of the next 10 ½ weeks, take note and write down something related to your “difference making”. Keep track of it.  Own it.
4. By November 4^th, the one year anniversary of Savannah moving into Eternity, let it be known what a difference you’ve made and what a difference it’s made in you. Review the last 10 ½ weeks you’ve lived.  Document your difference-making.  Celebrate it. Share it. Revise it.
5. Document your progress by sharing it on the Facebook page set up by Savannah’s friends when she was in the hospital.  It can be found at “Alive 2 Thrive: in Honor of Savannah Payne”.

Let’s begin a movement of “difference-makers”.  Making a difference is INTENTIONAL.  This is something you choose to do with the mindset set towards others.

Take another look at these three beautiful creations and difference-makers.

Your obituary is being written with every breath you take and every choice you make.

It’s your choice whether your obituary is going to be a “notice” or a “tribute”.

I look forward to reading how you are changing your world.

Make a difference and THRIVE!

Stephanie