Mother’s Day.
A day to remember and celebrate our mothers. I had the privilege of traveling alone with my firstborn on Mother’s Day weekend in 2016. Thank you, God, for giving me THAT gift! And, to think, I almost didn’t go! How thankful I am at Your Spirit’s guidance to go with Savannah on that weekend getaway. I hold those memories extra close to me these days. The following Mother’s Day weekends, I’ve had the honor and privilege of being “on the road” speaking in 2017 and 2018. This Mother’s Day, yesterday, was spent at home.
Mother’s Day, 2019 was going to be different for several reasons. Firstly, I wasn’t sure how it was going to go since I would be “home” and “in it”. When I am preparing to speak, speaking, or immediately following a speaking engagement, I am usually pleasantly “distracted” from my reality. Yesterday, however, presented no “distractions”. Was I going to focus on and be appreciative of my own mother and grandmothers on this day? Was I going to savor my days as a mother? Reminisce the “good ol’ days”? Or, would I be consumed in my grief? I just never know when the Grief Fog visits and how long he stays. The only thing I know for sure is when he gets here, I can’t shake him. Would he wreak havoc on THIS Mother’s Day? I just didn’t know.
Secondly, this weekend was spent close to the phone. Isabella, our baby, was trying out the third year in a row for her collegiate cheer squad. She has cheered the Lions at Southeastern Louisiana University since graduating high school. A mother is always excited when she gets to see her child setting goals, accomplishing them, AND having a blast! As I’ve told my children when they tried out for anything, desired something, or reached to achieve a goal, the result isn’t up to them. Nope, it’s up to God. Our responsibility is twofold: to do everything we can to work towards that goal and to trust in our Heavenly Father. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t at least a little nervous for my kids during those times. Not necessarily nervous about whether they made it or not. We just don’t want to see our children disappointed. Well, I don’t enjoy seeing ANYONE disappointed. As always, a healthy degree of stress is present while waiting for the results, but I always remind myself that God is in control and Savannah and Isabella’s character ensures they are trying their best. So, if it will be, then it shall be so.
Lastly, this weekend was particularly challenging for me because our community, once again, was facing torrential rains. Prior to Savannah becoming critically ill while at college, our home flooded 10 days prior. In August 2016, our home flooded from the effects of extreme rainfall engorging our rivers to the point of no return. There was nowhere for the waters to go so the rivers blew up and all southeastern Louisiana suffered. So, not only was I staying close to the phone this weekend, every screen we own was set to the weather and flood stage report. The rains began Thursday and were to remain until Mother’s Day.
Thankfully, I can tell you that I was, indeed, able to appreciate the mothers in my life and the good times I’ve had as a mother. There were some tender and sensitive moments, as usual, but I am so very blessed to have been given the mothers and children influencing me all my days. In fact, Isabella is quite perceptive. For my Mother’s Day gift, she and I spent the afternoon de-stressing and de-compressing. When we arrived back home relaxed and fulfilled, Tim had prepared a south Louisiana feast for his ladies…a crawfish boil!!! We were already celebrating because, Saturday night, Isabella called, and this Fall we will, again, be in Strawberry Stadium cheering for the cheerleaders while they are cheering on the Lions at SLU! Isabella made the cheer squad for the third year! We are also thankful mercy was poured onto our community this weekend, as well. Although, unbelievable rainfall amounts fell, and some damage was sustained in our area, there were enough breaks in the rain to stave off widespread devastation. And, Mother’s Day was a beautiful, breezy, and sunny day!
So, a good Mother’s Day, indeed.
This weekend is not unlike any other given day or series of days. Choosing to thrive despite the circumstances in my life is just that, a choice. It’s not an easy choice or even one I want to make at times. But, a choice indeed. I’ve shared my equation for thriving: Perspective Change + Mindset Shift + Stress & Anxiety Management = New Philosophy. This new attitude toward life, or philosophy, requires three conscious, intentional choices: choose to appreciate each moment I’m given (no matter if they are pleasurable or not); constantly evaluate my mindset to ensure it is in line with my ability to thrive; and choose to put others before me. Although there are times I am tired and just want to crawl up in the bed with the curtains drawn and lay there indefinitely, I choose to continually engage in the mental, physical, and spiritual evaluation needed to sustain a positive sense of well-being. Doing this helps me continue to breathe and live, begin to realize my purpose in life, and live out Scriptural truths. I’ve shared about all four factors (Perspective Change, Mindset Shift, Stress and Anxiety Management, and New Philosophy) of the equation in the preceding blogs. I’ve put my soul out there in written form in hopes to share my innermost struggles from the circumstances of my life by sharing what I have found helps soothe me some, maybe smooth the jagged edges of life just a little.
I wish I would have implemented these practices prior to my “perfect world” crashing and burning, but I did not. No, it took me losing all semblance of control for me to realize the value of the present moment and taking charge of my own sense of well-being and healing. As I have noted in previous blogs, my desire is to be an avenue of hope for those of us just surviving, not yet thriving. Life gets hard sometimes, unbearable at other times. Waves crash over us and it feels like we are drowning. Maybe we feel like we just can’t catch a break! Other times, we feel alone in our pain. This is a reality that we may feel contrary to the truth. The truth is that those of us who are followers of Jesus Christ are never alone. We have everything we need within us to begin thriving, especially in the most dismal of circumstances. We must have faith and completely trust God in all situations. Good and bad. Easy and difficult. Pleasant and unpleasant. ALL situations! Period. We do this when we think about our thinking, choose the mindset consistent with thriving, and continually manage our stress and anxiety levels.
Research tells us people tend to judge or rate themselves a little better, a tad more favorably, or a teeny-bit more positively than we really are. We tend to think deep down, “we’ve got this” or “I’m good, I don’t need that”. You may not think you need a mindset check. You may think “YOUR WAY” is the BEST way or, perhaps, the ONLY way. Well, I’d like to give you a litmus test, or gauge, or tool to see if you may need a mindset check. I’m giving you a tool to help determine if thinking about this differently would indeed support your growth and ability to thrive. This tool is a question you can ask yourself at any given point in time. Consider it a self-assessment of your mindset about any circumstance, situation, person, really, anything you’re facing now. I’ve shared this question as a guiding force to determine what the next steps are needed to begin thriving, in general. However, this question is tailored to be asked when faced with challenges in life. I realize I am living most people’s nightmare, the loss of a child. Or, maybe living through community-wide devastation. Or, possibly living with tremendous loss. I was not given the “gift” of this tool or self-assessment, but I am living it out.
So, when life throws you a curveball and you feel the jagged edges cutting you deep, ask yourself this question:
How would I respond if I had only 10 ½ weeks left here on Earth?
This is not a question that provides an immediate response. If fact, your first response is just that…the first response. I’d like to encourage you to stay away from your first response until several responses come. Many times, our first response is only taking ourselves in to account, not the affect our responses have on others. Our initial responses typically keep us in the “status quo”, which is not in and of itself “bad”. No, the status quo just keeps us in the same place with limited, if any, opportunities for growth. Mindset evaluation and change takes time and effort.
You may be facing a challenge right now. Possibly you love someone who is at a crossroads. Perhaps, you feel alone and forgotten. Maybe you are harboring negative feelings toward someone. Ask yourself, “How would I response if I had only 10 ½ weeks left here on Earth?”. Wait for the answers to come up. We don’t like to do this, but do it anyway, write them down so you can keep track of them as they float into your mind during the next days. When you’re ready, look at all the answers and choose the best one that will lead you to thrive, uplift others, and glorify God.
I’ve seen God work in a mighty way in my personal, spiritual, mental, emotional, physical, and social life. All He requires is for us to have faith, trust Him relentlessly, start to place one foot in front of the other, and put in the time and effort needed for the situation.
So, for the meantime, I think I’ll just sit here and savor all the good times with the two who made me a mom. These two girls CRACK ME UP!!!! God bless you both!
I challenge you to evaluate your mindset and THRIVE!
Stephanie