This Moment, THIS Moment

In our small circle of friends and family, five people have moved into Eternity in just the last two weeks.  Surrounding the survivors of these precious souls is a circle of people ready and willing to reach out and shower their grieving loved ones with compassion, empathy, and deep love.  I imagine “my circle” surrounded by five more circles filled with this compassion, empathy, and love … and the circles will go on and on as people continue to move into Eternity daily.  As I recently engaged in conversations with family and friends of these individuals, I heard a theme repeated (and, for the record, I have made some of these statements myself over the last 8+ months).  “How I wish I just had one more moment with her.” “I remember the time we ___ and I will cherish that forever.” “We used to get together all the time, and then, for some unknown reason, we stopped.  How I wish we hadn’t stopped.” “Oh, to hear her voice one more time.”

Moments.

The little things we do with each other create the moments that collectively provide the substance for our existence…what we will be remembered for.  That’s a flowery way of saying that the time we spend with each other gives us meaning and makes a difference with others.  Bottom line: it’s not what we say; how much money we make; how “right” we are; what we do for a living; how “pretty”, “smart”, or “successful” we (or our spouse or children) are; how many “toys” we own; or who we know that give us true meaning.  Furthermore, when engaging in conversations with the grieved and their “circle of support”, we are not saying things reflectively like, “Man, they sure worked long hours”; “He sure kept that boat spotless”; “She spent long hours at the gym”; “All that time he scrolled through Facebook sure made a difference” or “That last liposuction she had really helped her out”.  Not that there is anything inherently wrong with working hard; being proud of “toys”; exercising; checking on “friends”; or looking for ways to improve our appearance.  Not at all.

I wonder, though, what we will be remembered for at the end of our time here on Earth.  I wonder what our legacy will be if we spent an equal amount of time pondering ways to “make moments” with those we love as we do thinking of these other things, such as work, hobbies, success, appearance, etc.  It’s just a thought, but what if we considered each day as “a day to remember”?

Driving home yesterday for four hours provided me ample time to think and ponder. “This moment, THIS moment” was the recurring thought in my mind.  Recent occurrences in my life and in the lives of countless others remind me that “we are given this moment, and this moment, only”.  We are not promised one more second here on Earth.  Yes, we are to take care of our health, we are to make good choices, and most people live a “typical” life.  However, there are no guarantees.  We could just as easily contract infections of “unknown origin” that ravish our body as my sweet firstborn, Savannah.

For the 10 ½ weeks Savannah was in the ICU, I was intent on “making moments” with her when she was lucid and fully with us.  For example, one “moment” we had repeatedly was me telling her over and over again how much I loved her and everything about her.  When I would get through, I would get back to my goofy self and say to her through my teeth and shaking my head, “I love you so much I could put you on a plate and sop you up with a biscuit!!”  When I would say that to her, I would have her full attention, looking intently in her eyes, and get closer and closer to her face until I was able to give her a little “sugar” on her forehead or head.  She would smile and occasionally roll her eyes at the ultimate goofiness of her mother.  She knew that, being southern, “sopping” was somewhat sacred.  It meant that something was so amazingly good, you just HAD to get every last bite and the best way to do that was with a hot biscuit!  This is a moment that I treasure in my heart.  This picture is yet another moment I treasure in my heart.  It is one Easter morning.  Their mouths are full of bubble gum the Easter Bunny brought them. Such good times!!

We hear things like, “Live in the moment”.  Ok, how do we do that?  Sounds like a good idea, but practically speaking, how do we live in the moment when the yard needs mowing, bills need to be paid, and we have to exist?  Well, I believe we live in the moment by recognizing that THIS moment is what matters and remembering that we are held accountable for THIS moment, not the future, nor the past.  Let me explain,  I now believe how I approach a particular moment or encounter with someone determines what will happen next.  Let’s say, a good friend calls me distraught about something happening in their life.  If I appreciate that they called me to support them through this and allow myself to be 100% devoted to them, chances are very good that my friend will know that I care for them, I appreciate them, and I value them.  However, if my friend calls me in the middle of scrolling through Facebook while making my “to-do list” for the week, and I continue to do so as they are telling me about happenings in their life, chances are my friend will sense (whether they say so or not) that they are receiving my divided attention.  They may have a sense that they do not matter to me or that their happenings are not important to me.  Will I have made a difference in their life?  My response is, “No”.  I may get away with it a time or two as I am pretty “good” at faking it, however, I am not “that” good all the time! So, practically speaking, I am determined to give myself over completely to whoever is with me at the time.  It’s a choice I make and I have to fight the urge to work on my mental “to-do” list in my head, but I make the choice to be devoted to whomever is with me.  I’m not successful 100% of the time, but this is one way I am making a legitimate effort to “live in the moment”.

Please don’t think that I believe that the past does not matter or that having goals for the future isn’t important. The past matters and goals are important.  However, how I handle “this” moment determines my destiny.  An instructor I had provided the class I was taking with an exercise.  He told us to divide a piece of paper into three sections.  The sections will be labeled “Past”, “Present”, and “Future”.  Through the next week, we were to take mental inventory of how much time we spent and how much mental energy was taken in the past, present, and future.  So, each night for that week, I took inventory before I went to bed of the percentage of time I spent in each of these three categories.  I was shocked how much time I actually spent in the future (i.e., working on my “to-do” list, dreaming, planning, worrying, and stressing about upcoming events).  On average, over 85% of my time was spent in the future.  Now, I existed in the present…but was I “living” in the present?  No, I was preoccupied with the future and ignoring those around me (i.e., family and friends).  The same could be said about spending too much time in the past.  We could reminisce, wish things were how they used to be, or be upset about past mistakes so much that we do not appreciate our “present”.  How we handle “this” moment determines what will happen next.

You can’t erase the past and the future hasn’t happened yet.  My philosophy now is to “learn from the past, plan for the future, and live in the present”.  Will you continue to allow your email, Snapchat, TV program, “to-do” list, yardwork, hobbies, Facebook, worry, stress, anxiety or anything else to interfere with your moments?

Choose what you will do with THIS moment.

What will you put on a plate and sop up with a biscuit??

Be blessed as you “sop it up with a biscuit” and THRIVE!

Stephanie