Daddies and Daughters.
There is no other bond like it! A precious relationship, indeed. Now, the bond between a mother and a daughter is equally as rich. Highlighting the bonds between fathers, mothers, and daughters is not to discount the bonds shared between a son and his parents, but I wouldn’t know about sons. I do know familial bonds are something powerful, no doubt! However, I do not have the blessing of sons, just daughters. And, oh how I love my daughters and their daddy!
This weekend was “one for the books”! I spent Friday night enjoying time with Tim (the father to my daughters), Saturday getting to hug on and laugh with my father and brother (the father of my nieces and nephew), then reminiscing with friends (a.k.a, sisters and brothers from another mother) that evening. Even later that night and Sunday morning, I enjoyed getting together just a “little bit more” with my brother and his family before heading back home to finish out the day with Tim and Isabella to celebrate Father’s Day 2019.
Yep, fathers are important. Our Heavenly Father provides His children with unconditional love, support, hope, peace … the list is infinitely long! Earthly fathers offer a treasure trove of experiences, lessons, insights, and wisdom, as well. I like the descriptor of “treasure trove” because it means a “valuable discovery, resource, or collection” (www.merriam-webster.com, 2019). My experiences with the fathers and grandfathers in my life have been just that, valuable. Additionally, I have seen my daughters receive the same valuable experiences from their father and grandfathers.
Unfortunately, one consequence of living in a “fallen world” is there are those who did not receive a “treasure trove” from their biological fathers. These precious ones must lean, sometimes even more passionately, on their Heavenly Father. Others, countless others, no longer have access to their “daddy” because he’s already moved into Eternity. For these, memories are a “life-line.” Then, we have daddies like my Tim. Oh, he’s a rich treasure trove for his daughters, and that’s a given! However, he now pours ALL his experiences, lessons, insights, and wisdom into one baby because his “firstborn” (I am convinced) is helping Jesus ensure her daddy’s dwelling place is just right for him.
I am not entirely convinced earthly fathers fully know and appreciate their value. Fathers are infinitely valuable. Paternal influence is realized for generations. Today’s society seems to de-value the father’s role. Television, movies, books, and social media is full of sarcastic evidence of the big ol’ goofy dad. “This” goofball father is portrayed as lazy and ignorant. Now, don’t misunderstand. There is nothing wrong with celebrating our goofiness! I love my goofy man. I, myself, am chock-full of goofiness. The problem occurs when most fathers are portrayed as insignificant in the media. I get uncomfortable when I see the family secretively keeping something from the father figure, often instigated by the mother. “Going behind a father’s back,” well, anyone’s back, is not a good tactic. Subtle de-valuation quietly chips from the immense value and importance of a father’s relationship with his children (and/or step-children) and their mother (and/or step-mother). This “chipping away” in conjunction with a lack of awareness of the father’s value can limit the developmental process (no matter how old the child is).
Are fathers innately perfect, all-knowing, and responsible for everything, just because they are fathers? No. They are human beings.
Should our fathers be valued, respected, and considered? No question about it. They are human beings God, our Heavenly Father, created for this role.
Psychologists and other researchers have long studied the effects of fatherhood. Last year, there were approximately 70 million fathers in the United States, and 80% reported they were “involved” in their children’s lives. Of this 80%, only slightly over half said they were doing a “very good job” of being “involved.” (See https://www.apa.org/about/policy/boys-men-practice-guidelines.pdf for the full report.) Three vital components are needed to define “being involved” and are: “positive engagement” (interactions with the child that promotes development); “warmth and responsiveness” (the child’s needs met in a warm and caring manner); and “control” (knowing where the child is and what they are doing).
Research has proven there are many positive benefits of “involved” fathers which occur over the lifespan of the child. Young children of “involved fathers” experience an increase in early language development; a lower incidence of developmental delays; improved adaptive skills; and fewer maladaptive behavioral issues. Elementary-aged children reportedly experience higher levels of academic ability; a positive outlook regarding school; better reading and nonverbal reasoning skills; as well as, social and emotional benefits. Adolescents of “involved fathers” are healthier; exhibit a higher sense of self-esteem; report fewer depressive symptomology; and note less drug abuse and delinquent behaviors. Adolescent daughters receive an additional bonus from their “involved fathers.” Teenage girls reported fewer “internalizing behaviors” (e.g., being withdrawn; feeling sadness, loneliness, or irritability; manifesting somatic symptoms; being fearful; or a lack of concentration). They feel better and are better!
Not only do the children receive the benefit, but fathers do, too! Research reveals when fathers are involved with their children, a generational benefit occurs, leading to healthier relationships within the family unit. Additionally, there has been a link between parental involvement and the father’s physical health.
Of importance to me at this moment is the concept of empathy and compassion. Our ever-increasing exposure to the “quick-fix” society and social media pressure to maintain a positive “pseudo-identity” culture interrupts our ability to connect with others, specifically their vulnerability, insecurities, and needs. This lack of connectedness offers reduced opportunities to develop and manifest empathy and compassion. An article, https://www.focusonthefamily.com/family-q-and-a/parenting/the-significance-of-a-fathers-influence#fn7, reports other benefits of “involved fathers.” An essential benefit to me was a 26-year study suggesting the primary factor involved with the development of empathy was, indeed, “father involvement.”
Empathy, compassion, social skills – sooooo many benefits from our fathers being involved! Father’s Day is a day to celebrate, remember, and honor our earthly fathers. I want to encourage everyone to consider becoming more involved with, not only our children but with everyone, all human beings. Connect by becoming involved on an empathetic level, so compassion is evident in your life. Hopefully, it is quite easy to identify with an earthly father. If so, spend time reflecting on the benefits he has brought to you. Use those reflections and benefits to empathize with others. If an “involved father” is not available to you, consider seeking an “earthly father” to reflect on. What qualities are evident that resonate with you? What ways could you manifest those qualities in your life? Last, but certainly not least, bask in the love of our Heavenly Father. Research the qualities of God. Meditate on all the goodness, peace, and wisdom He manifests. Ask yourself the same questions. What qualities are evident that resonate with you? How could you demonstrate those qualities in your life?
I’m feeling a little nostalgic with this Father’s Day. “Daddy” is another term for one’s father. Growing up and living in the deep South, “Daddy” is a term of endearment I use. For me, it’s a less formal, more emotional, term than “Father.” Yes, I believe “Daddies Matter.” However, I also think every human being matters. So, in honor of our daddies, whether biological or not, earthly or spiritual, let us “matter” to someone else. Let our empathy take over as we reach out to someone else.
A simple step to take is to call someone, anyone. Just put in a call to someone and let this person know you were thinking about them. That’s it. If they don’t answer, don’t despair! Just leave a message to say, “I just called to let you know I was thinking of you.” Don’t require them to call you back. Redirect the conversation back to them if they try to switch the focus to you. Just let someone know they matter. They will receive a jolt of a good dose of “well-being” hormones, and so will you!
Savannah would call me almost daily. I now know she didn’t want anything, for the most part. No, she was calling to let me know she was thinking about me. Oh, how I wish I could hear her voice once again. Unfortunately, I won’t. However, in honor of my father, my children’s father, and my daughters, I’m going to make a call to let someone know they matter. By the way, please enjoy this picture of those who molded me: my parents and brother. Yes, in case you were wondering, we do know how to have fun!
God bless you as you do the same and THRIVE!
Stephanie
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