I am feeling nostalgic this morning. Three years ago, today, our family was on vacation. Wonderful, right? Oh, it was. However, it became our LAST vacation as a family of four. So, maybe, a better descriptor of today is “bittersweet”. I was spending a little time this morning on my back porch, just be-ing. You, know “being still”, as we are directed to do. I decided to read back over the blogs from this week over the last two years. Well, last year’s blog was so relevant to me today. Yes, I “needed” the reminder today. So, I decided to share this with you again. So here goes!
Over the course of the last two years, I have been actively implementing strategies to promote my personal feelings of well-being. Honestly, these strategies have helped me survive. I have been purposeful, intentional, in doing something. The grief, sadness, and torture can overtake me in an instant and hold me down where I feel like I can’t breathe. I know God will never leave me nor forsake me and He loves everything about me. I know Savannah is experiencing perfection and in His glory. But there are times “it” just knocks me to the ground…the old commercial, “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!” applies during those times.
One of those strategies I’ve implemented is meditation. I’ll be honest, I stink at it. My mind races like Mario Andretti on the speedway. It is “work” for me to make my mind be still. I cannot do it by myself, I have had to seek support. This support comes in the form of an app I’ve downloaded. (You can Google for apps that you may be interested in.) I started out using it to help me get to sleep at night. Now, I implement it during the day. Sometimes I simply focus on the breath (i.e., how it feels in my body), other times I am focusing on a thought (i.e., the magnificence of our God), and sometimes I am focusing on thoughts that come up (i.e., acknowledging the thoughts and sending them on their way). I don’t think it matters what I am meditating on. The benefit comes from slowing down and focusing on one thing at a time. It is good to slow down because, for me, I tend to speed up when I am stressed, upset, worried, etc. It is good for my soul to appreciate the moment. Psalm 46:10 tells us to “be still” and acknowledge that God is GOD! Scripture gives up wonderful topics to meditate on. Philippians 4:8 (NLT) says, “And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.” Meditating just 10 minutes a day has been proven to have benefits spiritually, cognitively, physically, and mentally. We already know that because God tells us to “be still”. (I love it when science catches up with the Bible!)
So, this morning, I am meditating. The focus for this morning’s meditation was acknowledging those thoughts that are difficult and then “leaning in” to them. Not running from them. Not an easy task. The voice on the app tells a story about a dragon guarding the entryway into a cave where there is immeasurable treasure. People use their best tactics to foil the dragon and attempt to overtake the dragon in order to access the treasure. However, none are strong enough. The dragon lets no one by. That is until a young boy walks up, whispers something in the dragon’s ear, and the dragon lets the boy by. He surfaces from the entryway with handfuls of treasures. When asked what he said to the dragon, the boy replied, “I simply called him by name.” Acknowledging the dragon by name will release hidden treasures.
As I was thinking about that this morning, I realized this is true. Sometimes, those of us who are grieved (or stressed or worried or fearful) try to fight the “dragon” with everything we have (which ain’t much). Consequently, we fail. We lose the fight. However, when I’ve simply appreciated that I am grieving (and realized that it’s understandable that I am sad and miss Savannah), it seems that I am able to move with the grief and not get slammed to the ground by grief. I give myself grace to heal and find that I begin to move forward, ever so slowly, but moving forward, indeed. I believe this would be true with stress, worry, disappointment, etc. … any debilitating feeling.
As I was contemplating this morning’s simple exercise in meditation, a five-step mindfulness process was revealed to me that has supported my healing by releasing the dragon:
- “OWN IT” – recognize the feelings of sadness, being overwhelmed, anxiety, fear, or whatever THE feeling is. Sometimes just calling it by its name (the dragon of grief, fear, worry, etc.) is all that it takes. “I AM missing Savannah”.
- “DESCRIBE IT” – now that we’ve recognized the feelings and named the dragon, it’s time to spend the mental energy recognizing what that “feels” like and identify the “thoughts” associated with that feeling. Identifying these feelings and thoughts now helps us transition from the emotional realm into the analytical realm. We begin thinking about our thinking. “My heart hurts.” “I feel exhausted.” “I just wish I could hear her voice again.” “I wish we could go on one more family vacation.”
- “WRITE IT” – to make changes occur, we must work at it. The simple act of writing our feelings down and the thoughts associated with these feelings shows us we are doing something. This is an important message we can learn in midst of our fight with the dragon. (I write all the feelings and thoughts down, no matter how irrational.)Here’s the thing, I know you don’t want to. Heck, I don’t WANT to. But, the act of writing things down and reflecting on them, helps us move forward. It’s that simple.
- “QUESTION IT” – now that it’s in writing, reflect on it. Get real with yourself. “Is this the way I want to feel right now?” More times than not, our response is, “Of course NOT!” If not, then the question to ask is, “What is one thing I can do right now to make myself feel differently?” Frankly, there are sometimes I WANT to be mad or sad. Yes, I said it. Sometimes, I just want to sit in IT a while. No, I don’t WANT to be there, but I don’t want to move out or, perhaps, I don’t see a way out in that moment. I will say, though, that consistently practicing various strategies that promote feelings of well-being has offered me hope when I felt hopeless. Doing something feels better to me than simply just feeling the pain. “What is one thing I can do right now NOT to feel SO sad?”
- “DO IT” – that one thing you thought of…DO IT! Go for a walk. Call someone who cares about you or understands. Do something kind for someone else. Contact a counselor, life coach, or support group. WHATEVER! That one thing you thought of … just go do it! There are parameters, though. That “one thing” should promote feelings of well-being and health. This is not something to be done that could have negative consequences or suppress these feelings. No, this “one thing” is designed to counteract the negative feelings and thoughts. When you commit to doing something to promote your personal well-being, you gain a sense of accomplishment and empowerment that you will carry with you when you are face-to-face again with the dragon. “Go write today’s blog.”
Two years ago, today, we were driving home from our last family vacation as a family of four. This is one of my favorite pictures taken … there were many! This does make me sad, but instead I write this blog in hopes that someone will find hope when they feel hopeless by following these five steps that start with naming the dragon.
You, too, can THRIVE while NAMING THE DRAGON!
Stephanie
Click the “Play” button for the audio recording: