Thinking about “New Beginnings”, I find myself at a crossroads, conceptually speaking. Now, these conceptual crossroads are not new to me. I have spent the last 2 ½ years discovering my “new normal” living with Grief. I believe those of us “living while grieving” are continually faced with these conceptual crossroads, or choices, in our day-to-day survival of life. I’ve described “living while grieving” as carrying a void with me at all times. Many times, Grief (the void) stays in my back pocket. It’s always with me but tucked neatly away. I feel its presence, always, but when Grief is in my back pocket, I can make the choices I need in order to keep moving. Other times, without warning, Grief suddenly leaves my back pocket and slams me to the ground! Yes, there are times Grief (the void) is “all-consuming”. It is during these times, I am faced with a crossroad. I have a choice to make. This choice is to get out of the bed – or not. To take the next step – or not. Sometimes, I can only choose to take the next breath because Grief has clouded my vision so that I am unable to see what the next step is. So, I just breathe.
The crossroad I find myself facing now is not one of the grief-kind. No, this crossroad is more of a feeling of angst. It’s a push toward something. It’s a push forward toward progress. I finally feel a push to move forward.
So, here I am driving along the other day with Grief in one of my back pockets and the feeling of Angst in the other when I hear a statement on the radio I just can’t seem to shake. Have you ever heard something so profound that you take it with you, everywhere you go? Or, maybe, you’ve had a thought that revisits your mind multiple times a day and becomes almost a distraction. Well, this statement kept coming up in my awareness. Honestly, I wish I could remember “where” I heard it, or “who” said it, or even “when” I heard it, but I just can’t. I just know “what” I heard this past week.
Here it is: “Thinking is NOT doing”.
Got it? Thinking is NOT doing.
These four words resonated with me in such a profound way that I had to stop a bit and “ponder” their meaning … to me. What struck me about this statement is its relevance to every aspect of my life. I mean, I can think about what I want to be different all day long, but nothing changes until something changes. I must “do” something. I must engage in an activity so that change occurs.
“New Beginnings” are often initiated by something as simple as a thought, a whisper, or maybe a word of encouragement. I can wish for things to be different. I can plan for changes to occur. I can determine to try harder next time. However, all the wishing, planning, and determining gets me nowhere unless I engage myself in movement toward this “New Beginning”.
It’s time to DO SOMETHING!
It hit me that we can become so weighted down by what we are carrying in our back pockets that we don’t allow ourselves to consider taking that first step forward.
Thinking is NOT doing.
As I was driving with Fear and Angst in my back pockets this weekend, a familiar song came on the radio, Ryan Stevenson’s, Eye of the Storm. Immediately, I was catapulted back to August and September 2016 when Savannah lay in the hospital bed in critical condition. For 3 weeks, after checking in on her at 6:30 am every morning, I would leave the hospital waiting room, drive five minutes away to go shower, dress for the day, then drive back to the hospital and Tim would leave to take care of his business. He would return by 10:30 am to begin our day by Savannah’s side in the MICU. This song played most mornings, if not every morning of those 3 weeks, on my ride back to the hospital. I found myself singing at the top of my lungs during the 5-minute drive back to the hospital. So, this weekend, I found myself at this same place, singing to the top of my lungs to THIS song in my car. This time, though, Grief and Angst were with me. Listen to the song here, https://youtu.be/lYy1f6VjDHU.
This song reminds us that God remains in control, at ALL times, regardless of the circumstances we find ourselves in!
I can find peace in Jesus’ name.
My only hope is to TRUST God!
Trusting, in this case, is an action. Trust God. There are times, I simply must trust God and move forward. Moving forward while at the crossroad is an act of TRUST.
Yes, we might go right when we should have gone left.
Sure, it might get hard sometimes.
Oh, yes, we may feel weary by continuing to walk on our path.
But, we continue to move. We continue to trust. We continue to make forward progression.
Both of my children played recreational soccer when they were young. Oh, how I absolutely loved those soccer games! While young, these little ones are just learning the “fun” of the game. So, no score or tallies taken, just play. Kids were just being kids learning a little soccer while running along with their friends. This is one of my favorite pictures of Savannah as goalie, probably about 5 years old. I thought about the “angst” she may have felt as she “watched” the ball move closer and closer to her goal. She could have just stayed there and watched the ball. She could have just thought about her next move to keep the ball out of the goal. Savannah did more than just watch and think. She moved forward, blocked the ball, and kicked it down the field! She didn’t just think about it, she DID something about it!
Thinking is NOT doing.
Are you at a crossroads?
Is it time to move forward?
What’s in your back pocket?
What is one thing you can DO to move?
May you trust God as you move forward and THRIVE!
Stephanie