What Do You Say Love Is?

February is considered the “Month of Love”. A highly commercialized month where we tend to shower those we care for with tokens of our love and appreciation.  Some people go “over the top” with extravagant gifts and experiences. Others celebrate with just a simple heart-felt card or flowers or possibly chocolates. Then, there are those who celebrate February 14^th as simply just “another day”.  It’s really a matter of personal preference.  At the House of Payne, Valentine’s Day is somewhat minimized, although recognized.

This is mainly because February holds EXTRA-SPECIAL significance to us.  You see, February is the month that our firstborn, Savannah, came into our family.  It was time for this “couple” to turn into a “family”.  And, Savannah was going to make that happen.

Her initial “due date” calculated by our obstetrician was January 30^th.  She, on the other hand, had other plans.  Savannah always did possess a “mind of her own”.  We waited in anticipation for this day to come.  We had prepared the “perfect” place for her with clouds painted on her walls, a happy and bright space to bring our “bundle of joy” home to love and cherish.  Tim and I had chosen the “perfect” name and bought all of the “right” stuff.  Oh, it was perfect, indeed.

January 30^th came … and went.

We were into February when I saw my doctor. I was still “big as a house” with no bundle of joy to love and cuddle.  My doctor checked our vitals, all was good. If she did not come soon, we would run a “stress test” in a couple of days.  The doctor assured me that many times this will kick that baby into gear, so we scheduled it.  Savannah was just not ready to come into this cold, harsh world.  She wanted to stay where it was nice and cozy.

The plan … if we didn’t have that little bundle by February 9^th, we would go back in, run the stress test, and hopefully “trick” Savannah into coming.  All day long we studied the monitors, to no avail.  THAT was a depressing ride home.  Still no sweet little punkin’!

When February 14^th came, I just knew it!  THAT was what she was waiting for! She was going to give her mom and dad the ULTIMATE Valentine’s gift!

Nope, she had other plans.  I don’t think we celebrated Valentine’s Day in 1995.

We had scheduled another stress test on February 15^th.  So, to the hospital we went with the bag packed!  To say Savannah has a mind of her own was definitely the UNDERSTATEMENT of that year!  NO BABY again after a full day of trying to “trick” her into coming.  I was so depressed we drove straight to one of those “all you can eat” restaurants and I pigged out!  Yes, I know, I’m a stress eater. No surprise there!

The NEXT plan … if we didn’t have that little bundle by February 20^th, we would try to trick her again with another stress test.  If that didn’t work, C-section it was!

We WERE going to have a little bundle of joy, one way or another.  February 20^th came around and we went to the hospital to run that blasted “test”.  She was born after Tim finished his meatball sandwich. A man’s gotta have some nourishment to get ready for this!  That afternoon, Tim and I became a family with our little 8 lb., 8 oz. bald-headed beautiful baby girl!

LOVE … in that context … is indescribable.

Next week, on February 20^th, will mark the 24^th year of the first of two indescribable gifts Tim and I were given.  This will be the third birthday since Savannah has moved into Eternity.  I will not lie.  February 20, 2017 was  torture.  That’s the best way to describe how the grief shredded any joy we had in us.  February 20, 2018 was spent with Tim, Isabella, and I in different parts of the state.  We each experienced this day in our “own” way. I was determined for it to be a day where I intentionally “LOVED”.   I literally made myself feel love and give love.  And, I believe because I determined it to be true, I was able to “feel” the love, despite the imminent grief this day holds.

I have no idea what February 20, 2019 will look like.  But, I tell you this, I am determined to celebrate the love that I feel for Savannah and the love she bestowed on others.  Yes, I believe February 20^th will always be a day of love for me.  I can not describe the love that I have for Tim, Savannah, and Isabella, our extended family, and our friends.  I am going to bask in that feeling.

In preparation for Savannah’s birthday, I have been reading and meditating a lot about love lately.  Several places I’ve gone are the Holy Bible (specifically 1 Corinthians 13 and Matthew 22: 36-40) and two books I’ve read years ago.  They are Crazy Love: Overwhelmed by a Relentless God by Francis Chan and Love: A Warm and Wonderful Book about the Largest Experience in Life by Leo Buscaglia.

Please allow me to share a few nuggets I’ve acquired over the last couple of weeks …

• Love IS the answer.
  • Love IS everything; without it is NOTHING! 1 Corinthians 13 :1-3 … go read it for yourself. Want a quick summary? You can have eloquent language and a bold vocabulary but if you do not speak with love, your words will only be noise.  You can have impressive knowledge and enormous faith, but if you have no love, you will not be able to do anything with that knowledge or faith.  You can give to the poor and behave like a humble and good person, but if you don’t do this with love, then you gain nothing. Check out this short video about my experience pondering love by reading this passage: What is Love?  .
• What does love LOOK like?
  • Read 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 for the list. It looks like … Patience. Kindness. Rejoices in truth. Protector. Hopeful. Perseveres. Unfailing.
• What does love NOT look like?
  • Boastful. Prideful. Rude. Immature. Irritable. Resentful. Delighter in evil.
• Love will remain, always.
  • Everything we acquire while living here on Earth will go away … our knowledge, goods, possessions. 1 Corinthians 13: 9-13 explains we only know some things “in part” and those are the things that will “go away”; however, faith, hope, and love will remain.  The greatest of these is LOVE!  Love is where our focus should be; love is what we should spend our money on; the effects of our love will remain long after we are gone.
• God measures us by how we love.
  • Not IF we love, but HOW we love. Here’s a quote from Francis Chan to gnaw on … “God’s definition of what matters is pretty straightforward.  He measures our lives by how we love.”
• Living our life according to the Greatest Commandment and it’s Equal, I believe, will ensure our living with purpose and meaning.
  • Read Matthew 22: 36-40. Another Francis Chan quote from Crazy Love … “Do you know that nothing you do in this life will matter, unless it is about loving God and loving the people He made?” Wanna know your purpose in life? Do everything with love. You’ll find it!
• Because God desires it, we must strive for it.
  • Another Crazy Love jewel: “We don’t get to decide who God is”. I take it a step further and say, “Or what He values.” So, if love is the greatest attribute we are to possess, then possess it I will!
• Love is not simply an emotion to be experienced but a learned response and a learned emotion.
  • We can choose to love, even when we don’t “feel” like it. When we begin to act “as if” we love others, we find that over time we do, in fact, love them.  We can begin doing this by wishing others well, even those we don’t “like” or “agree with”.  When we wish others well, we begin a chain reaction, a cycle.  Check out this short video about my epiphany regarding loving my neighbor: Love Your Neighbor.   Leo Buscaglia says in his book, Love, “Love is like a mirror.  When you love another you become his mirror and he becomes yours.  And reflecting each other’s love, you see infinity.” He further says, “One does not fall ‘in’ or ‘out’ of love. One grows in love.”
• Let us “ponder” the many ways we can show love.
  • We “ponder” many things in our lives. When we want to learn a new skill or “fix” something, we research.  We read. We watch YouTube videos.  We talk to those we consider “experts”. We ponder the best way how.  Love is one of those “skills” or “character traits” to add to our lives.  Research and ponder the many ways you can “be” love in your life.  The benefits to others will be immense and the rewards for yourself will be eternal.

I encourage you to ponder love this month.  Pondering has opened up my heart, mind, and soul which I so desperately value right now.  Feel free to celebrate Valentine’s Day and Savannah’s birthday by pondering, feeling, and showing love.  Here’s a picture of us with our first bundle of joy, Savannah.  Oh yeah … In case you were wondering … she was well worth the wait!

Ponder the things of love.  Determine for yourself the many ways you can show love.

I would absolutely consider it an honor if you would leave a comment on my blog website or social media Facebook or Instagram pages (see below for links) about what you discover about love in your life.  I know it would encourage my family and I as February 20^th comes and goes.  My prayer is that your comments would be a source of encouragement for others needing love, too.

Go forth and BE love while you THRIVE!

If you would like to learn more about THRIVING in THIS life, consider me as coach.  Please visit the Coaching pages at Is Coaching for Me? .  For a general description of how coaching can help you click  http://imalive2thrive.com/coaching/ .  

Stephanie