As I sit at the laptop and search my heart and soul for today’s topic, I realize, it’s time.
It’s time I admit something. Nothing scandalous, no. I’m just admitting, owning, if you will, a truth for me that has been simmering for a while. A truth I need to own and appreciate. Now, I’m not sure if it finally hit me because of my age, my circumstances, the influences around me, or Divine revelation. My best guess is that it’s a combination of them all. This realization is nothing new. I’ve heard this before, read about it, and even “thought” I believed it, but now I KNOW it’s the truth.
Here goes…
Our purpose in life has very little to do with the outcome. Our purpose in life has everything to do with HOW we arrive at the outcome. Said another way, the little things matter and, in my experience, they matter to me MORE, at this stage of my life, than the outcome. I think we tend to be more concerned about the result than the journey to get there. When we are more focused on the destination or outcome, we miss the “good stuff”!
I welcome you into my mind and my train of thought as I clarify.
So, this morning, as I sat here contemplating my next blog. I am flooded with memories, both past and more recent. These “memories” are causing my heart to swell, almost out of my chest!
OK, the outcome that I can’t get away from is that my firstborn, Savannah, is no longer with us on Earth. A harsh, cold fact. This “outcome”, fact, and realization can be sickening to me … no, debilitating to me, if I allow myself to ruminate on that fact that Savannah was ripped from me. Those ruminations create that spirit within me. And, yes, it does sometime. However, I find myself flooded with experience after experience, memory after memory, of the “little things” that I am allowing myself to savor which counteracts that spirit.
So, this year, beginning August 13th, I am determined to “remember” my memories. Specifically, every day, I scroll through my “memories” chronicled on Facebook from 2016. Last year, I ignored them. Nope, just couldn’t do it. But, this year, I was determined to “own” them, remember them. And, what a blessing it has been. This blessing has not been easy, nor has it been tear-less. No, I have shed some free-flowing, crocodile tears and had my heart tugged at to a significant degree. Though this blessing has not been easy, it has reminded me the little things mattered in such monumental way.
I’ll share a few of these sacred examples. Sacred and intimate memories. One, I savor how Savannah and Isabella BOTH lit up the hospital ICU room when Isabella came to visit Savannah while in Shreveport after being back at school for a week or two. Gosh, those were, indeed, sacred times. Two, the almighty ice chips. Oh, how I loved to offer Savannah ice chips. To hear her crunch those ice chips was music to my ears. Three, cool, wet cloths. What an honor it was to massage Savannah’s face with a cool cloth and see her completely relax. Fourth, daily talks with Isabella. Oh, how I loved to hear her voice (and still do) … and when she laughs, my heart warms. Yes, her laughter makes my heart feel like holding a warm mug of hot chocolate on a cool day. Re-remembering how much we laughed and loved during those times makes me happy, despite the outcome.
Just this past week, I have experienced and been reminded of other small, yet monumental, things that matter. As I have been given the privilege to speak at various events the last couple of weeks, I am reminded that Savannah is not forgotten. Her impact is still felt far and wide. People have shared with me how they prayed and still pray for us. I don’t have the words to express what that means to me. This weekend, we were given another gift of a “happenstance” occurrence of a heartless, empathetic football coach who visited us in the same hospital where his father moved into Eternity. He visited us because he knew how we needed encouragement and to feel that empathy. I know that wasn’t an easy drive over to that hospital on that day, but he was following the Sprit’s guidance. Boy, did he make a difference! Tim and I were so honored to get to see him this weekend and tell him one more time, face-to-face, how much that mattered to us two years ago.
Just last night, as I was attending a women’s event at my church, Journey Church, I had more of these seemingly small experiences that are HUGE. It was a Journey Girls event where we had the privilege to hear Karen Ehman speak on contentment. Powerful words, but even more powerful experiences, for me. As we were worshiping, I sang these words … “in my Father’s house, there’s a place for me…”. This time, I stopped cold. I thanked God that Savannah already has her “place”. She loved setting up her apartment, oh, how I’m sure she loved setting up her Eternal home. I can’t EVEN imagine! Thank you, God, for giving me that experience and realization. Later, after Karen Ehman spoke, we sang another song. Yes, it was a song we sung at Savannah’s funeral. Yes, it was a devastating time when I sang that song then, but I realized when I sang that song last night, when we sang that song in November, she was already in her NEW HOME!
The outcome is the same, but the little things matter!
The women’s event closed with a dessert mingle. (Yeah, those Journey Girls know how to close out an event, for sure!) It was during this time, I was able to tell a sweet friend how she impacted me while Savannah was in the hospital. You see, I had an immediate connection with her years ago. I greeted for a short while on Sunday mornings until I decided to stop (mainly to be open to spend more time with Savannah before she left to go back to Monroe on Sunday afternoon after coming home for the weekend). Anyway, I greeted for only a few months, but during those mornings, I was able to connect with my new friend. Her bright smile, genuine interest in me, and sharing some of her life with me meant something to me. One night, when Savannah was in the hospital, I received a request to FaceTime. I had to decline because we did not have a solid wireless connection in that room and I didn’t want to take any time away from Savannah by moving to another location in the hospital. Later, my friend texted me to tell me she wanted to FaceTime the worship service for us. She was thinking of us, four hours away, and wanted us to have a worship experience with Savannah! Now, that’s something else! I recently experienced that “memory” on Facebook. Thank you, God, for giving me the opportunity last night to look her in the eye and thank her. You see, to her, that was a little thing. To me, HUGE!!!! The outcome she wanted (for us to be able to worship with Savannah in the hospital) did not occur, but the small gesture had a HUGE impact for me, not only then, but 2 years later when I am re-remembering it! Please enjoy this smile from my dear friend, Michelle Dinecola. I know you just can’t help but smile back at her!
The little things matter!!!! (As I type this, I laugh out loud because Savannah would agree. She was a short “little thing”. Yes, a “short thing” that had a HUGE IMPACT!!!) Here’s another sweet picture of a “little thing” to make you smile.
Don’t ever NOT do something for someone else, no matter how little or insignificant you may think it is. Please, PLEASE, don’t get hung up on the outcome. Just know that it all matters. Those little things add up.
Yes, the little things!
May your life be full of little things as you THRIVE!
Stephanie